All To You and Them
by BlackBelt
Summary: Series of one-shots centered around one Haruno Sakura. Stories about love, triumph, friendship, and endless humor abound. Story Two: Sakura and the rest of the group finally decide to explain all and answer the hate.
1. An Akatsuki’s Sleepover

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. It is the sole property of Masashi Kishimoto. All rights reserved.

_**And Now for Something Completely Different!**_

**Genre: **Humor/Parody/Romance/Friendship

**Pairings:** Sakura/Everyone, other minor pairings

**Rating:** T to M

**Summary:** Series of pointless, random, fluffy, plot-less, and humorous one-shots focused on Haruno Sakura. OOC-ness ahead!

**Warning:** Cursing, sexual hints & humor, character poking, OOC characters, not very canon, and lot of mindless humor.

**Dedicated:** To the lovers and fans of Haruno Sakura and all of those who really just want a nice, good laugh!

**Story One:** Sakura's stay at the Akatsuki.

**An Akatsuki's Sleepover**

"How the hell did this happen?" Sakura asked to no one in particular as she sat on her bed in the well-furnished room. It really was a nice room. Lovely even. There was a large bed, bookshelves filled with medical books, even a bunch of stuffed toys in a corner.

It was like this room was primed with all the details for her.

It creeped Sakura out.

"Friggen old lady. Stupid puppet." She grumbled, glaring daggers at the door.

Her situation was not a normal one that was for sure. Hell, she never expected something like this to happen. Sure she was the apprentice of the current Hokage. And yes, she was the student of the infamous Hatake Kakashi. And, ok, sure her best friend (and possible love interest) was Uzumaki Naruto.

But still didn't mean she should've been kidnapped by the Akatsuki! It just wasn't fair!

The pinkette girl grumbled, getting very upset by the passing seconds.

As she was fighting against Sasori one of his limbs grazed upon her skin filling her with venom that led her to be paralyzed in a matter of seconds, if she wasn't Haruno Sakura she might've been killed instead of limp.

That wouldn't have been so bad. She had a comrade at the moment. All she needed was a few seconds of help and she would've been right as rain.

Too bad she never got that friggen help.

Chiyou-Baa-sama had left her behind with laughter and a peace sign, chortling something about great-grandchildren. Whatever that meant.

The point was, the old hag had betrayed her. She had been in communication with her grandson and had planned for this to happen from the start.

To think that Sakura liked the old hag.

She thought she would be killed. There was no way she could counter-act the venom with the Akatsuki member approaching. If he fell and cracked his pretty little skull, maybe. But not when he was hurrying to her side, more venom at the ready.

But instead of killing her, he picked her up once he was sure she would remain limp (and not rip his teeth from his gums) and left.

Sakura had been in a panic. He took her to the secret base and she had found herself surrounded by members of the dreaded Akatsuki. With half-lidded eyes she watched as they talked to each other. Everything had been incoherent thanks to the drugs so she was unable to make out their plan, sadly.

But she gathered that they were arguing over something. Heck, Kisame even had the gall to slap the blond, Deidara if her memory was functioning right, over the head.

Finally they seemed to agree on _something_ and she was found in the arms of none other than Uchiha Itachi.

Oh, Sakura had wanted to scream. She wanted to snarl, bite, and punch. This was the man that caused Sasuke to go all bastard on all of them! When she was able to move without feeling high the man's ponytail was going to be his noose!

He had brought her to the room she was currently in and with act of tenderness she didn't know an Uchiha had tucked her in and brushed a strand of hair from her face before leaving.

A few hours later, present time, Sakura was now wide-awake, fully capable of moving, and waiting for someone to come in and explain what is happening.

Too say she was pissed was beyond an understatement. Her ego was bruised, her trust shattered, and she was starving. The first person to walk inside the room was going to receive absolute hell. Banshee-level hell.

The coral-pink-haired girl stiffened when she heard and felt movement from the other side of the door. She remained calm, ready to pounce and kill the man who walked in the door.

With a creak the door slowly opened and a pale blue hand with black-nail polish flicked a switch, leaving her momentarily blind by the light. Looking up she was ready to begin cursing at Itachi's partner when her jaw dropped.

There was Kisame with a big grin and a blush on his face, an apron around his body, a tray of food in one hand, and an Akatsuki style cloak (though it appeared more feminine) in the other.

"Hello Sakura-chan! I hope you slept well!" He chirped.

"Urm…Yes, thank-you?" She squawked back, not one for being rude when she was being spoken to so politely. His grin went wider as he handed her the tray, looking down she was in awe too see the amazing breakfast selection before her. "Um…Thanks." Looking up she noticed he was fidgeting. "Did you make this?"

"Oh!" He looked around bashfully. "Yes I did."

"It looks marvelous." She took a bite, her charka all set to counter-act any poisons. She was pleasantly surprised when it not only did not have poison it was very good. "And it taste as good as it looks. Thank you er…" Well he was calling her Sakura-chan so her guess was that she could call him his name with a Kun. "Kisame-kun?"

His face went from its normal blue to a bright red as he began to sputter, "O-oh, i-it's not that good! Um…Here!" He shoved the item of clothing under her nose. "I made this just for you!"

"Dwah?"

Here was a _**deadly**_ shinobi part of the most _**deadly**_-shinobi-group and he was acting like a schoolboy with a crush. Not fully understanding what was going on she grasped the cloak and looked up at him.

Was this another ruse? Was he trying to get her guard down so he could kill her without looking?

Kisame fidgeted again and did something she thought no man would do; he cried out and ran from her room and into the hall, looking much like a certain white-eyed female she knew. "Um…uuuh…wait…what?"

* * *

Shizune gasped as her sensei told her the news; Haruno Sakura is now the prisoner of the Akatsuki.

"Wh-what?! How did this happen? Have we received any news from the group yet? Are they using her as bait or ransom to get Naruto-kun? Dear Kami-sama! What if they're raping her?" The black-haired woman's sorrows were cut off when her blond teacher gave off a sob.

Holding on to her hand-made Sakura-plushie, her desk surrounded by pictures of the pink-haired girl, the Hokage cried. "MY BABY!" She wailed as she hugged the doll tighter to her chest. "MY PRECIOUS BABY!"

"Er…Tsuande-sama?" The younger woman asked stepping away slightly from the woman. It was known that during the training Tsunade gave Sakura the two had grown very close, like mother and daughter, and the blond was more than over-protective over the small teenager. "Sh-should we form a group to go and get her back?"

"I WANT MY BABY BACK!" Somewhere in the background the Chili's theme song began.

"That's a yes." Shizune sighed as she began to make the arrangements for a group to bring back Konoha's Cherry Blossom.

* * *

Grasping the handle of her door, Sakura wanted to hit herself on the head. It was unlocked; it had been the entire time, meaning she has been sitting on her ass, staring at the door waiting for someone to come in, and it had been unlock the whole time.

"Stupid Haruno." She grunted. Taking a moment of preparation, she inhaled and exhaled. She needed to be ready for anything she would be facing outside this door.

Growling she pushed the door opened and looked around the hall-way blinking at all the many doors that she saw.

"Damn it. I had hoped this would be easy." She muttered angrily as she looked back and forth down the hallway, not knowing which direction she should take.

Her plotting was cut off when arms wrapped around her waist, "Saku-chan!"

Squealing she elbowed the intruder in the stomach and spun around and landed in a fighting position only to stop and blink at the sight before her. A feminine looking blond-male, whose hairstyle was quite similar to her rival and friend's, was gasping but grinning like an idiot as he hunched over clutching his stomach.

"Nice shot Saku-chan! Yeah!"

"Err…? Thank you?" He looked familiar; she believed he was the one that Naruto and Kakashi-Sensei went after. 'Oh yeah, that's right. He stole Gaara-san and the two went after them—Deidara or something.' Scratching the back of her head she gave him a nervous grin, "Um…what's your name?"

His grin grew wider, "I'm Deidara! Please to meet'cha Saku-chan!" He chirped.

'What. The. Hell?' Sakura thought, twitching.

The Akatsuki was well known as being cold, cruel, calculating, and merciless. But so far the ones she has met have been like little boys.

Kisame was shy and Deidara is a mischievous kid that looked like he wanted to blow something up.

"Why am I here exactly?" She mentally cursed, that certainly did not sound threatening. "I mean—What the hell am I doing here you bastard?" She growled out, now that sounded better. Much more menacing.

But instead of having the male grovel at her feat in fear at her strength and amazing ways of the ninja, he laughed. The type of laugh Kakashi use to do whenever she tried to perform a task but failed. The 'aw-you're-to-cute-to-yell-at' type of laugh that made her sick. She made sure her sensei understood that she was not just a pretty face.

And she was about to do the same to this jerk.

"Stop laughing at me!" Sakura screamed as she punched the ground, shattering it beneath their feet. Her chakra hadn't been sealed. That was nice to know.

The blond flipped back with a squeak.

"S-sorry Sakura-chan! I really am, yeah!" To her confusion, amazement, and horror, his eyes began to tear up. "I r-really a-am! Don-don't hate me, un!" He then began to sob as he fell to his knees. Every so often she could hear a whimper of "yeah" and "sorry".

Sakura, being the easily moved and kind person she is, had guilt instantly sweep over her. She truly had a very tender heart that really never did her any good.

"O-oh, um…it's ok. I guess I was being too sensitive…" Of course she wasn't! She was still far too naturally inclined to apologize for something that wasn't her fault! "It's ok Deidara—er—kun? I don't hate you?"

It came off more of a question than a statement, but the blond didn't seem to know this as his visible eye brightened as he tackled her to the ground.

"OOOOH! THANK YOU SAKU-CHAN!" He sang out as he nuzzled himself against the side of her face. "You're so kind and forgiving! Have my babies!" And his mouth descended on her what almost appeared to go in slow motion.

"HUH?!" She squeaked as she froze up.

However just as when his mouth was about to brush against hers an artificial hand grabbed his hair and tossed him over a shoulder. "WHAAAA!" The clay-maker cried out as he connected to the wall, face-first.

Sakura blinked when she found herself scooped up in another pair of artificial arms. Looking up she came across two cold brown eyes and a messy mop of red-hair.

"**_YOU_**! YOU PUPPET-ASS-BASTARD!" She screamed and punched him square in the face.

* * *

"WHAAAAAT!?" The normal soft-spoken and withdrawn Hinata screamed at the top of her lungs as the rest of the chunins gasped out and looked on in horror. "SAKURA-CHAN HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!" She then spun on her heels and punched Naruto, but grabbed his collar to prevent him from flying off. She then gave Kakashi an uppercut to the jaw but grabbed the mask and pulled him down to her eye level. "AND YOU TWO MORONS JUST ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN?!"

The two males were knocked out at the moment and were unable to answer the unstable Hyuuga-female, which lead to her anger to grow. "ANSWER ME YOU DAMN IDIOTS!"

"WHAAAA! I WANT MY CHERRY BLOSSOM BACK!" Tsunade cried out, clearly unaware at what was happening seeing as she was too consumed with her anguish. "MY BABY! MY ADORABLE LITTLE BABY!"

"Tsunade-sama," Hyuuga Neji began as he stepped foreword looking as calm as ever, though inside he was pissed off as hell. 'MY SAKURA-CHAN IS SUROUNDED BY MEN! SHE SHOULD BE SUROUNDED BY ME!' At the moment he didn't really care if that made sense or not, right now he was about to kick major ass, starting with the two people who should've been protecting her on the mission. "We will get Sakura-san back."

TenTen and Lee were moping in a corner. Gloom was the only term that could be used to describe them. They were cultivating mushrooms in a corner, rain clouds dumping water on them.

"We left her alone. We left Sakura-chan alone." The brunette moaned, tears pouring down her face.

"My Sakura-san…." Was all that Lee produced.

"CHAAAAA!" Ino screamed. "MY BEST FRIEND IS OUT THERE AND ALL WE ARE DOING IS TALKING! SCREW THAT!" She then punched her open-palm. "Let's get it on! I'm ready to kick ass and take no prisoners!"

Her two male teammates nodded in agreement.

"We're ready to do what it takes to get Sakura-san back." Shikamaru stated as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "We're not about to let those in the Akatsuki get away with taking her." In case none of you knew, the Nara genius had a rather large crush on the pink-haired beauty.

Chouji gave a nod as well, "Sakura-san will be rescued!"

"THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOUR BEST FRIEND!" The raging Hinata screamed at Ino. She threw the two males against the wall with super-human strength that only appeared when she was angry—and in this case she was about to maul something and now her sight has moved to Ino. "LAST TIME I CHECKED BITCH, SHE WAS MINE!"

The blond snarled and looked over at the Hyuuga Heiress. "_Your_ best friend? I don't think so you stupid white-eyed-freak!" Ino placed her hands on her hips as her blue eyes flared. "Sakura is MINE!"

"SAKURA BELONGS TO ME!" Hinata screeched as she then tackled the blond, her battle cry echoing in the room.

TenTen, who normally would've joined the battle, continued to sob in the corner of the office. The brunette was now rocking back and forth, racked with guilt. "My precious Sakura-chan—I left her alone with that old woman…OMIGAWD! WHAT IF SHE WAS MOLESTED!" She screamed out as she stood up.

Everyone in the room paled and looked at each other before fire burned in their eyes. Looking over at the Hokage they cried out, "We'll take the mission!"

* * *

"You ass! It's all your fault! And your grandma's fault! And your fault!" Sakura screeched as she tried to escape from his hold.

"You said it was my fault twice." He stated with amusement, his gold eyes shinning with mirth and another emotion Sakura wasn't too aware of.

"Well—it's _doubly_ your fault! Hah! Take that! And what are you smirking at? Do you know how weak you are making me look? I'm—once again—the stupid damsel in distress! JERK! I HATE BEING WEAK!" She complained as she continued her best to escape his strong grasp on her. "Let me go!"

"I think not."

Sakura felt her eyebrow twitch and a vein in her head throb. She was dealing with another 'I-am-emo-and-hot-and-total-bad-ass-so-fear-me-and-my-cold-sexy-ways-of-doom' type of person.

As if Gaara, Neji, and Sasuke wasn't enough.

"Drop dead you puppet." She huffed out as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well technically I'm already dead."

Sakura stopped and blinked only to then curse. "You know what I meant! Why did you kidnap me anyway?"

Walking towards the room she was in before he chuckled, "Well there are many reasons why I was sent to kidnap you." That made Sakura blink. "Yes my mission was to obtain you."

"Bu-bu-bu-"

"But what about the Jinchuurikis you mean? Well of course we are still aiming for them—but we were to first obtain the One-Tail. With our recourses we discovered that you and the Nine-Tails would be coming which made everything all the easier." He said.

"Wha…b-but…"

"Hatake Kakashi and the Godaime Tsunade are your teachers, Uzumaki Naruto the Nine-Tails, Uchiha Sasuke, Sabuko no Gaara the One-Tail and the Kazekage, Hyuuga Neji, Inuzuka Kiba, Nara Shikamaru, Aburme Shino, and Sabuko no Kankuro all are after your heart and body. You are, of course, the prime target as a hostage."

Now that made Sakura blink in confusion, "Huh?" She knew about being the student of powerful shinobi, and that her and Naruto were BFFs, but…what? What the hell was he talking about with the rest of them?

He shook his head, "You are way too innocent." He purred out. "You are unable to see that you are the most sought out female."

"Dwah?" She squeaked out still obviously not getting it, her eyebrow twitching. "What do you mean I am the most sought out female? I would've known it I was!...What do you mean be sought out female?"

Sasori chuckled again, "Just what I said—many males want you."

Her sea-foam-eyes blinked. "Ok, want me how?"

Sasori sighed. For someone so intelligent she sure was dense. He thought she was a medical-nin, yet she didn't seem to understand the concept of sex and desire of men.

"Don't worry—I'll teach you everything."

"Uh—Ok?"

* * *

"Damn-it!" Hinata cursed as she looked around her surroundings. "SAKURA-CHAN! WHERE ARE YOU!?" She screamed out.

"Don't answer to the Hinata-bitch! Answer me! _**Your best friend**_—YAMANAKA INO! DON'T WORRY SAKURA! I'LL SAVE YOU!" The blond cried out as she shoved the girl with long purple-hair out of the way.

"THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU'LL SAVE HER?!" The Hyuuga Heiress screeched as she grabbed Ino's long hair.

Behind them, most everyone else was having similar arguments.

"She's going to be Hyuuga Sakura!" Neji hissed.

"No, she's going to be Uzumaki Sakura!" Naruto snapped back.

"Nara Sakura is better." Shikamaru stated, the leader of the mission.

"PAH!" Kiba spat out. "She's going to be an Inuzuka!"

"I happen to think Aburame Sakura fits her quite well." Shino stated bluntly.

Leaning against her boyfriend's shoulder TenTen continued to cry, "My Sakura-chan!" Lee was going right along with her.

"Um—" Kakashi began. "We should probably go to Suna first and tell them what is happening. They need to know that they have a traitor in the midst and that Sakura has been captured by Sasori."

"NO!" They all screamed.

Kakashi blinked his visible eye. "Why not?"

"Temari." Hinata, Ino, and TenTen hissed out.

"Gaara and Kankuro." The males, minus Chouji and Lee, growled out.

"Oh…well our mission is it retrieve Sakura-chan and we need all the help we can get. So we are going to Suna."

"NOOOOOO!"

* * *

"_Oh Naruto! You are so much better than Sasuke-teme!" Sakura purred out as she kissed along the blonde's lips and whiskers. "I don't know why I went after that lame bastard when I could've had you all along!"_

"_It is ok, my precious blossom. Now we are together and that is all that matters." Naruto purred right back as he kissed her up along her neck._

"_Oh Naruto! TAKE ME NOW!"_

Sasuke sat up screaming, clutching his stuffed Sakura doll to his chest, black eyes wide. 'That was horrible!' He wailed internally as he hugged the doll closer. "My precious Sakura—You wouldn't leave me for that dobe!"

He shuddered again, trying to get the images out of his mind. It was nightmarish. Sakura, no longer in love with him? That was the most disturbing thing he could ever think of. And with the dobe of all people!

"Wait a minute, my Sakura-senses are…are…are…TINGLING! SAKURAAAA!" He screeched as she jumped out of his bed, which was covered with dolls of Sakura, a pillow shaped like Sakura, and his comforter that had pictures of Sakura.

In simple terms his whole room was a shrine to his ex-teammate.

He quickly stripped himself of his pajamas, also having imprints of Sakura, and placed on his Sound uniform. "Sakura is in danger! Those bastards! I knew I should've brought her with me! We could've already been making babies!"

He zoomed out of his room, knocking over Kabuto and burning the clothes off Orochimaru.

"Was that Sasuke-kun?" An Orochimaru clad in puppy-dog briefs asked.

"I believe his so-called, "Sakura senses" were "tingling". Meaning she is being hit on more than likely. The same thing happens to you when Tsunade-sama is being hit on."

"Ah yes. Poor Tsunade-chan always being hit on by that pervert instead of by me—that and she thinks I'm gay and a pedophile."

The silver-haired man twitched, "Can you really blame her?"

* * *

"WHAT!?" Temari cried out. "My Sakura-chan has been kidnapped? You!" She pointed to the girls. "How could you let this happen to my future sister in law!? THAT GIRL BELONGED TO ME!"

TenTen looked at her rival square in the eye, "Sakura is MINE! And she will be with Neji—that way she's like my sister-in-law!"

Hinata nodded her head, her thoughts along the same line, "Or with Kiba-kun or Shino-kun—but if she is married to my cousin then I will live with her! HA!" She pointed at the brunette who frowned.

Neji could be seen smirking triumphantly at the boys who were growling and their eyes twitching.

"Feh! She's going to be with Shikamaru and then she will be part of Team 10." Ino huffed out haughtily as she flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "Besides she is my best friend and was my best friend **first**!"

"Yeah, but she broke it off because you were a suffocating bitch!" Temari screeched out. "She prefers me anyway and she should—right Chouji?" She flirted to the pleasantly plump and pleasantly tall man.

Ino snarled "Don't drag my Chouji into this!"

The girl with blueberry-purple hair twitched, "You mean _**my**_ Chouji—don't you?"

"Now I know how Sakura-san feels." The male being argued about groaned as he rubbed the back of his neck in an awkward fashion. "Listen, right now we shouldn't be arguing about who owns who—Sakura-san has been captured by the Akatsuki who are ruthless and merciless and not to mention it is because of an elderly woman in you village that this has happened."

Gaara nodded, as he continued glaring at the male population. "I will have someone obtain her right away and begin the interrogation." He then moved to his desk and took off his cloak, placing on his gourd. "I will assist you in your mission."

Kankuro stepped foreword, "And so will I."

"HELL NO!" The males, besides Kakashi, Lee, and Chouji, yelled.

"I will too." The eldest sand-sibling stated, making the girl's screech with distaste.

"No." Gaara ordered.

"What?" Temari gasped out, ignoring the smug looks from the females.

"You and the rest of the females will stay here and help the interrogation. You all seem to let your emotions for Sakura-san blind you—you argue more than you work." To say he was being a bit hypocritical would be an understatement. "Besides I need someone to keep things in order while I am gone. And since I do not trust you all too actually get along and do work I am placing Ackimichi-san here as well."

Three girls' eyes sparkled and turned sharply as they looked at the sweating male with a very creepy grin.

"B-But shouldn't someone like—er—Lee or Kakashi stay? They can help the girl's out more so than I can."

Gaara closed his eyes and nodded, "Good idea—these girls are maniacs, you need all the help you can get. Rock-san and Hatake-san, you two will also remain here; the rest of us will go obtain Sakura-san." 'And make her my WIFE! HAHAHAHA!'

"_**Yeah baby! You get your girl!"**_ Shukaku cheered on. _**"The girl belongs to us! Let's see that stupid fox get her now!"**_

'Please, Naruto is a pathetic chump—no where near as sexy or as bad-ass as me.' Gaara stated with a smirk, forgetting that Naruto had defeated him some time ago.

'Why do I have the feeling that Gaara and that stupid squirrel of his are making fun of me?' Naruto asked as his eyebrow twitched.

"_**Because they most likely are."**_ Kyuubi hissed. _**"That Shukaku—he was never able to get over that I am so much more powerful and so much better looking then him."**_ He huffed.

'We both are better looking than those bastards! Sakura-chan will be MINE!'

"_**DAMN STRAIGHT!"**_

Kakashi cleared his throat, "Are you sure that is a wise decision Kazekage-sama? All of you are very…Sakura-obsessed as well. You all have a tendency of fighting over her."

Shikamaru looked at the older male, "We understand the importance of this mission Kakashi-sensei—we all can and will put our differences aside and rescue Sakura-san. We would not let our…battle endanger her. But the Kazekage is right. We need some to remain here to interrogate and keep the village in order."

The other males nodded as they tried not to glare at each other in rivalry.

'Damn-it, my precious Sakura is going to be molested.' Kakashi thought as his shoulders slumped.

* * *

"SAKURAAAAAAAA!" Sasuke cried out as he jumped over the wall of Konoha and burst into the room of the Hokage, who was still moping. "You! The old hag with the rack! Where the hell is Sakura? And—are those new pictures of her?" He asked as he reached over to take a picture and see how she has changed.

He had no chance.

The Hokage grabbed his hand and flipped him over her shoulder, pinning him to her desk, a knee on his windpipe. "Don't touch my shrine of Sakura! You traitor!" She then began to bitch slap him. "You caused my Sakura so much pain! I should kill you where you stand! In fact—I think I will!"

Sasuke growled and with a _**POOF**_ disappeared from her grasp, reappearing behind her, he grabbed one of her arms and twisted it behind her back and used his free arm to wrap around her throat. "I do not have time for this—where is Sakura!?"

Tsunade stopped struggling and everything that happened came back to her and she began to bawl. "MY BABY! MY BABY WAS TAKEN BY THE AKATSUKI!"

Sasuke stopped short, "The Akatsuki—the one my stupid big-brother is apart of?" His eyes went wide. "MY SAKURA!" And with that jumped out the window and ran faster than he ever has before towards the secret location of the Akatsuki.

But if it was so secret how the hell did he and the rest of the gang know where it was? Let's just blame it on laziness partaken by the author of this particular episode.

* * *

"So um-" Sakura began nervously as she was placed on her bed with Sasori sitting next to her. "What exactly are you going to show me?" She asked as she rubbed the back of her neck in a familiar fashion as Chouji had done.

She squeaked when she was shoved gently on her bed—Sasori encasing her body with his. "Uh-uh…Sasori wh-what are you doing?"

"Just showing you what it means to be wanted." He purred out.

"Oh—shit." She cursed when he began to kiss her up along the neck.

The redhead was about to lean down and kiss the girl on the lips when a dark aura and charka filled the room. Sasori snarled before he looked over his shoulder and saw Uchiha Itachi, his sharingan glowing with rage and his lips pulled back tightly.

"Sasori-san, what do you think you are doing?" He asked his voice stone cold.

"Just teaching our guest a few things." He mocked back. "I would appreciate it if you leave so I can continue the lesson."

The elder Uchiha frowned, "I will not leave—if you would please get off our_ guest, _she seems a bit uncomfortable." The two glared at each other, while Sakura remained underneath Sasori watching the two. "Leader wants to speak with her."

The redhead growled, but picked himself off her small body and allowed her to get off the bed. Itachi stepped aside opening the door for the pink-hair girl, Sakura flushed at his action and brushed past him, failing to see the normal aloof and control Itachi stick his tongue out at the puppet master with a smug grin and she also failed to see Sasori began to throw a tantrum at his loss.

* * *

"This is bullshit—and stop glaring at me you stupid squirrel!" Naruto barked as he pointed an accusing finger at the redhead. "My Sakura-chan is in danger! And we said we weren't going to fight if it will place her in danger!"

"Stop calling him a squirrel you stupid dick." Gaara snarled out, a vein throbbing in his head. "Just because I have-"

"Raccoon—squirrel—a rat—a disease-carrying-feces-sputtering-rodent?" Neji asked sarcasm in his voice as he glared at the Kazekage. "Have your choice—either way that's what's inside of you."

The male twitched and his sand began to swirl threateningly and his green eyes seem to glow with rage. _**'I'M NOT A RODENT!' **_The inner demon roared.

"Stop calling him a rodent." Gaara hissed out as he clenched and unclenched his fist trying to calm his fury. "You stupid fate-obsessed-bastard."

Neji growled, "Don't insult fate—it will come back and bite you in the ass, it always does."

Gaara smirked, "For you that is."

Shikamaru sighed and intervened the fight that was starting up, "That is enough you two. We have a mission and if we fail Sakura-san could be harmed." It was obvious he didn't want to say killed when it concerns the Haruno girl. "We must not allow this stupid spat we all are having to endanger her." He shoved his hands in his pocket. "Besides if she is harmed in anyway the girls and Tsuande-sama will beat the living manhood out of us."

The other males shuddered in fear—they all have faced a female's wrath and it was a very frightful experience. They all had nightmares for weeks; Shino didn't even sleep after he accidentally pissed Hinata off during her time of the month.

Besides, no one hurt Sakura!

* * *

The Haruno girl sneezed. 'Whoa, that came out of no where.' She thought as she followed Itachi through the maze of the hideout, taking time to memorize the path. If able she would try and take out the leader later. 'OH, HELL YEAH! I'M GOING TO TAKE DOWN THE AKATSUKI ALL BY MYSELF! WHOSE YOUR BITCH?!'

"Please keep up; he does not like those who are late." The older Uchiha stated.

Her head snapped up, her green eyes narrowed, "I do not take orders—especially from traitors who kidnapped me!"

"If you didn't give your trust to anything that walks by, you wouldn't be in this position." Itachi calmly retorted back.

"Ouch—that was below the belt." Sakura snapped sarcastically. "And how was I supposed to know that old fart was still in communications with her so-called-_grandson_ and this organization? She was a highly respected kunoichi in Suna!" She crossed her arms over her chest. "I feel bad enough as it is—I really liked and trusted that hag."

He raised an eyebrow, "Feeling betrayed?"

The small girl snorted, "Yeah and not the first time either—with your ass of a brother. Really why did you have to go and kill your entire family? You screwed up your brother pretty damn good. It's all, "I'm an avenger!"—"I'm better than you cause I'm an avenger!"—or "Sakura you are annoying cause I'm an avenger!" Ugh!" She shook her head. "He has serious OCD."

The tall male smirked at her, "Does my foolish little brother speak like that?"

She shrugged, "He might as well—he has called me annoying and said to Naruto that he was better than him. HAH! Naruto just held back during the fight so he wouldn't kill the bastard…WHOSE THE ANNOYING WEAK-ASS NOW BITCH!?"

* * *

Sasuke, who was running through the trees, cried out in absolute agony and clutched his heart before falling down to the ground. On the ground his eyes were wide, he was panting, and it appeared like he was close to tears.

"S-Sakura just insulted me…NOOOOOOOOO! LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY?!"

* * *

The elder Uchiha smirked at her insane-ways. "You are quite an interesting character, Sakura-san."

She stopped her plotting of Sasuke's demise at this. Looking up her eyes wide and her cheeks red she did the only thing she could, stutter out gratitude. "U-u-uh…th-thank y-y-you." She had a right to be like this—it wasn't everyday the all-so-sexy-bad-ass Itachi complimented someone.

"Welcome."

And he was so polite! The complete opposite of his good-for-nothing brother!

And is it kinda weird and out-of-character that these two normal enemies are having a civil—almost flirty—conversation? No? That's what I thought too!

"This is where the leader is waiting for you—he will be explaining things to you and about your stay with us." Itachi stated as he opened the door, like a gentleman, and gently ushered the small girl inside.

Once in, the girl gulped at the darkness surrounding her. "U-uhm…Hello?"

All of a sudden a figure blanketed in shadow appeared—his grey eyes glimmering dangerously at her. "Hello, Sakura."

Sakura let out a loud wail, not expecting him to appear like a ghost, and reeled her fist back and punched him straight on the nose. "DIE EVIL GHOSTIE OF DEATH!"

"Oooh—the—pain…" He groaned out.

Sakura blinked before she let out a sheepish laugh, "Heheh…sorry!"

* * *

"It's this way."

"No—it's this way."

"Damn it—I think_** I**_ would know where my precious Sakura-chan would be…it's this way!"

"Dobe, that's a cliff!"

"Shut-up white-eyes-bastard!"

"The hide-out is this way! Akamaru and I can smell Sakura's beautiful scent!"

"You are wrong Inuzuka—my insects are informing me that the Akatsuki is position in the direction of north-west, not south-east."

"This is too troublesome—it's this way."

"Pah! Says you! I think it's this way!"

"Why would an organization like the Akatsuki locate their layer there? No you moron it would be this way."

To put it quite mildly the large group of males is a bit lost at the moment and cannot quite decide which way to go. Poor—poor morons…And poor—poor Sakura! What fate awaits her now?

* * *

**Next Chapter!:** Part two of Sakura's stay with the notorious assassin group the Akatsuki!


	2. An Akatsuki's Sleepover pt 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. It is the sole property of Masashi Kishimoto. All rights reserved.

_**And Now for Something Completely Different!**_

**Genre: **Humor/Parody/Romance/Friendship

**Pairings:** Sakura/Everyone, other minor pairings

**Rating:** T to M

**Summary:** Series of pointless, random, fluffy, plot-less, and humorous one-shots focused on Haruno Sakura. OOC-ness ahead!

**Warning:** Cursing, sexual hints & humor, character poking, OOC characters, not very canon, and lot of mindless humor.

**Dedicated:** To the lovers and fans of Haruno Sakura and all of those who really just want a nice, good laugh!

**Story One:** Sakura's stay at the Akatsuki.

**An Akatsuki's Sleepover**

**Part 2**

"I…uhm, apologize for that. How is your nose?" Sakura asked, looking a bit sheepish.

"Quite alright, Sakura. I have to apologize for my appearance." Pein said, keeping an icepack pressed against his nose. He was pleased that none of his piercings were jammed up into his brain. "I was not expecting such a reaction."

"Hmph, I'm starting to get use to it." She grumbled. "Every single damn person seems to think I don't know how to defend myself. Like I haven't been training for most of my life to fight." She grunted as she took a sip of tea.

If someone had told her she would be having tea with the friggen Akatsuki Leader, she would've admitted them to a padded cell. But here she was! Talking over tea with Pein after she socked him in the face.

He was a handsome bugger. She would give him that. Even with all the piercings, which some how suited him, he was another one of those good-looking shinobi. Was this world made for girls? Cause it seems that approximately 94% of the male population was gorgeous in the face, gorgeous in the body, or gorgeous head _and _body.

Not like she was complaining. Well, not exactly…

Sakura just found it strangely annoying. Did the gods want every female to be distracted from their ninja-ways and want to do nothing but make babies? Cause, daaaaaaamn these boys were fiiiiine.

"I did not mean that." He apologized, sounding sincere. "Merely that…well, not many expect a punch in the face."

"Well…yeah, I guess." She sighed, shrugging a bit. "So, are you going to be the one to tell me why I am here? I'm assuming that I am a hostage for one of the many people I am associated with. And I will tell you, I won't let you use me like that."

"I admit, that is part of the reason. I'm sorry, but we are a business with a goal. However, it is not the only reason."

"Oh?" She inquired, tilting a brow. "And what of these other reasons?"

"We would like you to stay here with us."

"Uuuh…care to elaborate there, Pein-san? Cause….what?"

He chuckled. Such an amusing girl. She had such fire and strength in her. But her gentle nature truly grabbed their attention. The girl had such a big heart, too big for anyone in this bitter world. She struggled to kill and would rather heal instead. He and the others in the Akatsuki strived for that light.

Starved for it.

So, after seeing her once (truly, that's all it took) they all became totally and helplessly and insanely obsessed…ahem, totally in love with her he meant to say. Yes, love. It wasn't like he had a locket of her picture under his cloak or that he kept sending his organization out to steal a lock of her pretty pink hair.

Of course not! So stop asking!

"I want you to be part of the Akatsuki." He finally explained.

She blinked.

Once.

Twice.

And Haruno Sakura suffered a brain fart like no other.

"_What_?" She asked, unsure she heard him right. She even tried to clean out her ears thinking there was something lodged in them.

"Do not act so surprised, you must be aware of your own abilities. The Akatsuki has many strong shinobi. But we have yet to gain someone with the power of healing. It is something we greatly need." Pein explained.

"REJECTED!" Sakura shrieked, crossing her arms in front of her. A big ol' X to further prove her rejection to the heartbroken man.

"B-But you haven't even heard what we could offer you."

"I'm not going to betray my village!"

"You get full benefits! Dental plan even!" Pein cried out, trying to get her to see reason.

"NO!"

"We'll be your slaves!" He tried to bargain, tackling her by the waist. "You can have your way with us 24-7!"

"OFF! I don't wanna be an Akatsuki!" She whined, trying to push the leader off of her.

"I WANT YOU TO BE!"

"NOOOO! GET OFF DAMN YOU!"

"HAVE MY BABIES!"

"NO MEANS GOD DAMN NO!"

* * *

"Are…you for real?" Naruto asked, twitching at the sight.

"Akamaru is very confident this is the place." Kiba growled, not liking that he was being doubted.

"But…really?" Kankuro asked, crouching down. "It doesn't seem real."

"Look, are we just going to be gawking about this all day or are we going to go down into it and rescue Sakura?" Shikamaru sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "So troublesome."

What the group was looking at was a trap door, smack in the middle of the woods, with "Akatsuki Lair" carved into the wooden door.

"I don't care what it is." Shino noted. "We need to get down in there."

"Right. I'm going to save my Sakura-chan!" He smirked at Gaara. "I doubt that bottle on your back will fit. Guess you will have to stay put here." He pulled open the door, poking his head in.

Gaara twitched and used his foot to shove the idiot in.

Naruto shrieked in fear, followed by a groan of agony as he smacked the hard ground face first. "O-Ow…."

"Moron." Gaara looked at his brother. "You stay on guard out here."

"What?! Why me?" He whined.

"Because I am your Kazekage and can order you around. We need someone to watch over to make sure we don't get trapped inside this thing."

Kankuro opened and closed his mouth, getting all sulky. He hated having a little brother that bossed him around. "Fine."

Shikamaru looked at the rest of the team, "Actually, Shino, I need you to do the same. With your bugs you will be able to tell when someone is coming. And Akamaru will stay here too."

The dog whimpered, not too happy.

"Hey buddy. I would take you if I could…but you just can't fit down there. You behave and help watch over everything here. I'll bring Sakura back real soon." Kiba comforted, hugging the adorable overgrown mutt.

Akamaru gave him a big kiss before a nudge towards the door.

Kiba grinned and jumped down.

"HOLY HELL KIBA! MY SPINE! MY MOTHER FUCKING SPINE!"

"Heh, what? You mean you weren't laying here to be a pillow? My bad."

"Alright, Gaara, Neji, and myself will get down there and rescue Sakura. If we need help we will send out a signal to you." He tapped the earphones signaling he was all set in getting a hold of them. "Stay vigilant."

"Better bring back my Sakura." Kankuro whined as the rest of them jumped down.

"FRIGGEN GOD! STOP USING ME AS A PILLOW!"

* * *

"Will you answer our questions without the aid of torture?" Kakashi asked coolly, looking down at the woman who had attacked him before. "We are very willing to do anything to get information about Haruno Sakura."

"Oh psh," Chiyou scoffed. "I haven't run away now, have I? I came back to Suna. And don't take that tone. I'm older than you, dumbass. Show proper respect."

"Hard to show respect to someone who betrayed their country and got a girl kidnapped by a notorious gang." Temari growled. "Where is Sakura?"

"Oh stop bawling. You know she isn't going to be hurt. Sasori-chan wouldn't raise a hand to that girl." She huffed; hating what was being insinuated by the group. "Notorious? Pha! They're nothing but love-struck boys who wanted a chance to talk with the girl they like. I just wanted to give my grandson a chance to win her over."

Chouji heaved a sigh, "_More_ fans of Sakura-san?"

"Quite a catch that girl is!" Chiyou grinned. "Reminds me a lot of myself. Every man in every village wanted me. Siiigh, I was just too gorgeous for my own damn good. Why, even Sarutobi was after me! What a lover that man was. Even good before he passed on."

And that was how every face within the interrogation room went a solid green.

* * *

Sakura was back in her princess room, sulking. This time the door had been locked and sealed with chakra. It would be hard to break out of. And she didn't even know how she could escape with the dark maze waiting for her out there.

"Stupid Akatsuki." She grumbled stuffing her face with the cold breakfast Kisame had left for her. "I can't believe they actually thought I would join this organization! Pha!" She tilted the plate back and engulfed the whole mess of pancakes in one chomp.

Naruto has been rubbing off of her well and it felt like she hadn't had anything to eat in days.

"Hmph!" She wiped her mouth of the syrup. "Damn that shark-boy cooks good!" She ate up the rest, unable to stop herself.

"Sakura-chaaan?" A new voice piped up, knocking on the other side of the door.

"Hmm?" She looked up, surprised. Smacking her chest hard to get the food to go down, she prepared herself for another pervert. "Who is it?"

"It's Tobi! Tobi is a good boy and wants to see the pretty Sakura-chan! Can Tobi do that? Tobi really wants too! Pleaaaaaase!" The person on the other side begged.

"Uuh…ok?" She has not heard of Tobi before. It would be very beneficial for her to see all of them and gather as much information as she could about each member.

"Whee!" The door opened and in came a very unusual man. Except for some wild black hair, everything else was covered. His face was hidden behind a mask except for a small eye-hold on his right side.

"Ooh," He bounced over to her, acting like a hyper kid. "Everyone right! Sakura is super super pretty!"

"U-Uhm, t-t-thank you, Tobi. That is very nice of you to say."

He beamed, or she assumed he did as he flopped on her lap like a house-cat.

"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi really likes Sakura-chan!" He reached up and played with her hair. "Sakura-chan is a medical-nin, right?"

She blinked, blushing a bit. 'Ok…I now proclaim thee the most adorable Akatsuki of all time.' She smiled, thinking he wasn't that bad. "Yes, Tobi. I am one."

"Sakura-chan is really talented. Tobi bets you could do anything with your medical-talent!"

She giggled modestly, "I think you were misinformed. I'm not that amazing. I started off my training a bit late so I am not as advanced as I would like."

"B-But Sakura-chan does so many great things! Tobi has heard a lot of stories. Also that Sakura-chan is really nice. One of the kindest in the whooooole world."

"Well, I am sure a lot would disagree with you there." She said in good humor.

"Well they are stupid and meanies!" He huffed. "Sakura-chan is now Akatsuki, yes?"

"Huh? Well, no. I'm not going to betray my village, Tobi."

"Oooh…you have a lot of loyalty too." He tugged at her pink hair a bit. "You are a lot like her, Sakura-chan."

She blinked, "Like who?"

"My Rin-chan! My Rin-chan didn't make it….but I feel like she is here again through you."

Sakura's eyes softened. Maybe that was why he became an Akatsuki. 'He must've loved that girl a lot. Poor guy.' "Rin-chan is a very pretty name."

"Uh-huh! But Tobi is a good boy and won't play favorites! He really likes Sakura-chan too!"

She giggled, "Well, I feel honored about that."

"Hey…you'll be my Rin-chan now, right?" He picked himself up and leaned towards her.

"U-Uh…no, Tobi. I can't do that. Even _if_ I joined the Akatsuki, I could never replace someone like your Rin-chan."

He was silent for a moment than he nodded. "You are a good person, Sakura-chan! Much better than Tobi. You don't act mean or do anything bad to other people." He nodded again. "Tobi really likes Sakura-chan."

Sakura was getting a bit confused. "W-Well, I guess…Sakura likes Tobi too. Tobi seems really nice."

"Oh, but Tobi isn't!"

"Huh? But you seem nice and you said you were a good boy."

"Tobi is a _**bad**_ boy, Sakura-chan." The man now purred, his whole demeanor changing. Slowly he began removing his mask, showing a scarred but very handsome face underneath. "Will you help punish him?"

Sakura paled, backing up against the pillows of the bed. "Oh friggen hell on a cheese platter."

* * *

Tsunade growled, holding back her tears as she glared at her paperwork. Why did she have to stay here and be responsible when her baby was out there?

It wasn't fair! She was the Hokage. She should be out there doing whatever she wanted! Instead, the traitor Shizune was keeping her locked up so that she didn't leave her work.

"I want my Sakura-chaaaan! I swear, after this, the girl is going to be locked up in the Hokage tower, never to leave again! I won't let anyone take my baby away! She is far too delicate for this evil world."

Feel passionate, she stepped on her desk, pointing to the air. "I swear, nothing will ever touch my Sakura-chan again! No evil disgusting boys, no creepy organizations, and no stalkers! NEVER!"

"TSUNADE-SAMA! Stop making speeches and get to work!"

The blond huffed and slouched in her chair, "Evil Shizune."

* * *

Sasuke looked around, getting more and more frustrated by the second. "Where the hell is that idiotic brother? How dare he steal MY woman away from me?"

He continued to search, never realizing he was going in the total wrong direction.

Idiot.

* * *

"So, the Akatsuki wants Sakura for their own." Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. He was still trying not to throw up after the mental picture of the fourth Hokage getting it on with Chiyou…just a few months before he died. "My student sure is popular!"

"But this is very dangerous for Sakura-san!" Lee cried out. "While they might be blinded by her youthful beauty they might do something very unforgivable!"

"Yes, Kakashi, would you please quickly inform the rest on the Akatsuki's plans. It might make them panic but they need to know what they're dealing with." Chouji asked.

Kakashi nodded and left the room to get in contact with the group of men.

"Ino, I am going to need you to take over Chiyou's body. Is there anyway you might be able to check out her memories? She claims she doesn't know where they are hiding, but that doesn't mean it is true."

"Chouji-kuuun," Ino purred as she grabbed on to the poor boy. "You won't think less of me if I do that right? You'll know I'll still be a sexy hot blond, ready for you _right_?"

"E-Erm…" Chouji coughed, trying to worm his way out of the girl's tight hold. "O-O course I wont' see you any differently, Ino. This is just work after all. F-For Sakura-san!"

"Now don't treat the bimbo with kind words, Chouji-kun!" Temari shoved the other blond off of him and began to cuddle. "We all know she is going to be a nasty old croon. This is just a peek of what she will become!"

"Back off from my chubby-hubby bitch!" Ino snarled.

"Come over here and make me, hooker!"

Hinata sighed and pulled Chouji away before he could get mixed up in their catfight. "Girls, please. I know we all want Chouji-kun for ourselves. But we need to think of Sakura-chan right now. She is in danger and it is possible the only way to save her is for Ino to get into Chiyou's mind."

The two blonds pulled away from each other, growling.

"I-I guess you are right Hinata." Ino sighed, feeling shameful.

"Yes. Sakura comes first." Temari nodded.

TenTen beamed, "I am so proud of you Hinata-chan!"

Hinata beamed, "Besides, we all know Chouji-kun is going to marry me!" She pressed herself against him. "Well all know he would want a girl with more _substance_ to her."

"And now that pride has been totally annihilated."

"BITCH!" The other two shrieked as they tackled the smug Hyuuga.

"Oh good god…Sakura is going to _**so**_ be molested." Chouji whimpered, watching the three claw each other's eyes out.

* * *

Sakura was not doing too well. This man who she had thought was a total sweetheart turned out to be another psychopath and was trying to get her out of her clothes.

"W-W-What a-are you d-doing! Bad Tobi! Bad!" She shoved her sandal in his face, trying to push him away from her.

"Come on Sakura-chaaan! I know you have a thing for Uchihas!" He moved his hands frantically, trying to grab at her.

"You're…an Uchiha?" Friggen score! She just got herself some juicy information for the village. "And I don't caaaaare! Back off!"

"Come on, let Tobi make you feel good!"

"I SAID BACK **OFF**!" She snarled, putting chakra into her foot and kicking him into the wall. "Bastard! Hmph!" She straightened out her clothes and then stormed out of the room, ignoring the twitching man embedded into the plaster and rocks.

"W-What a woman." Tobi/Obito laughed weakly, before sliding down in an unconscious lump.

"I'll get out of here myself! Hmph, stupid…pig-headed…moronic…perverted….bastards! Hmph, hmph, hmph!" She huffed, stomping down the long hall. They all had better stay out of her way or she was going to pull their spines out from their mouths.

Haruno Sakura was no longer amused.

* * *

"What?" Shikamaru stopped, holding his earpiece. "Are you sure about that?" He paused as he listened then cursed. "Shit, I should've expected that. Yes, alright. Understood."

Neji looked concerned, "What is it?"

"That was Kakashi. It seems that Chiyou wanted to help her grandson and the others in the Akatsuki give her great-grandbabies."

It was silent for a moment before a panicked and jealous Naruto snapped.

"NOOOOO! MY SAKURA-CHAN WILL ONLY HAVE BABIES WITH ME!" And ran down the dark path as fast as he could.

They others, feeling just the same way, rushed right after him, not giving a damn if there were traps awaiting them.

And hey, the idiot was rushing blindly first. So if anyone was going to be hurt it would be him.

* * *

"HELP MEEEEE!" Chouji squealed as the girls tried to get his clothes off of him. Seems they got tired of fighting each other and decided to prove themselves in a much different way.

A way that would require the sweetheart of a man to be stripped down.

"I'll show you what it's like to be with a _real_ woman, Chouji-kun!" Hinata cried out, trying to elbow the other two away.

"Psh, you know he wants me!" Ino snarled.

"He wants a real woman! An_ older_ woman!" Temari hissed.

"G-Guys w-we need t-to help S-Sakura-chan!" He sobbed out, knowing if he didn't find a way to distract them he was going to be in so much pain and humiliation. Contrary to popular belief, a man can be straight and not have women-degrading, perverted thoughts rushing through his head 18 times a day.

And this is exactly why he was about to be raped.

"Oh yes. MY best friend." Ino exclaimed.

"Oh good grief." Chouji groaned. "If it's not one thing it's another…"

"MINE!"

"YOU MEAN MINE!"

"MIIIIINE!"

He turned and looked at his fellow comrades, begging for some help as he was pinned down by three psycho possessive girls and could really use some assistance.

TenTen and Lee took one look at the sight, locked arms, and decided now was a perfect time to go on a romantic 'let's betray our friend' date. They skipped off, wanting to eat some of Suna's delicacies.

"YOU TRAITORS!"

"If we can't hear you it's not betrayal! It's irresponsible negligence!"

"I'LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!

"We can't hear you! We are being irresponsible!"

"Oooh Chouji-kun. You know that I'm the best for you and the best friend for Sakura-chan, right?" Temari batted her eyes.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM BITCH!"

Chouji whimpered as the fight started all over again.

* * *

"SAKURAAA-CHAAAAAN!"

Sakura stopped her stomping and gasped. She knew that loud, annoying voice. "N-Naruto! NARUTO!"

Down the hall, the future Hokage stopped, looking around wide-eye. "SAKURA-CHAN!" He rushed forward, looking near tears when he saw the pinkette rushing towards him as fast as she could.

"Naruto!" She cried out happily, so relieved to see him. "Oh my god, Naruto! It is you!"

"Sakura-chan! It's my Sakura-chan!"

"Naruto, you dolt, watch out!" Neiji cried out.

Both Sakura and Naruto skidded to a halt, four feet from each other, just as a large multi-blade scythe flew through the air and embedded itself in the wall between them.

"I think not you fox fucker." Yet another voice Sakura didn't know piped in. "This girl is ours."

Sakura twitched as the man stepped out from the shadow. Another handsome bastard. Why must everyone who was good-looking totally **suck** in personality?

This one with slicked back silver hair, deep purple eyes, and a weird medallion on his chest.

"I already told your leader: I will NOT join the Akatsuki!" She growled. "I am going home with Naruto and the rest of my friends right now!"

"I think not you fine ass bitch. Damn, those legs are fucking sexy." He purred, still cursing.

The group twitched at the vulgarity of the man.

"Hey! Watch your mouth! We have a lady present, bastard!" Kiba snarled, pointing at the Akatsuki.

"I can talk however I want to, dumb-ass! And all of you…what are you even doing here? How did you come to find this place?"

Shikamaru tilted a brow, "The door wasn't exactly covered in the forest. And 'Akatsuki Lair' was carved on it."

"DAMN YOU TOBI!" The man roared down the hall.

"T-Tobi is a boy in pain…" Was the only response he received.

"Tch, stupid fucker." He turned back to the group. "Look, Sakura-babe, you are going to be a good bitch and stay here."

"No!" She said, stomping her feet.

"Come ooooon! You'll even get dental! Do you know how hard it is to get that here? A-And we'll be your love-slaves!" He cried out, pulling his weapon back to his side. "You will be part of the group that will take over the world!"

"I. Said. NO!" She roared, pumping all her chakra into her fist and slammed it on the ground, sending a wave of earth and broken stone towards the man.

"Wow, such beauty and power. I'm even more in loAAAUGH!" he cried out as he was crushed. "A-And y-ou bring m-me s-such g-glorious p-pain….o-o-oww…"

Sakura huffed and turned and glared at the gaping men. "We're leaving NOW."

"Y-Yes m-ma'am!" They yelped, saluting her as she stormed down the hall where they came from.

Up within a secret control room, a stunning woman with blue-hair smirked as she watched everything conspire on the many secret video cameras.

"Well, that was certainly an interesting escapade." She giggled. "I think once the boys are all healed up we'll make another attempt at Haruno Sakura." She leaned back in her swirly chair, blowing some loose strands from her face. "It will be nice to get a female presences around her. I'm so tired of all of this ridiculous testosterone."

She flicked the cameras around, taking in the mess the pinkette had left behind.

Tobi, Hidan, and Pein would need to be sent to the infirmary. And probably spend about a week there.

Deidara, Kisame, and Sasori were now officially blubbering messes. They were completely heartbroken their darling Sakura-chan had been stolen from them.

Konan made a mental note to give the fish-man a hug later. Out of everyone here, she liked him the most. That and he made the best pancakes ever.

Itachi was stabbing pins into dolls of those who stole her.

And Kakazu looked like he was about to go hang himself at the price tag this whole mess was going to cost them all.

"That girl caused so much pain and damage…" Konan beamed, "I think I will make her _my_ best friend!"

* * *

After the small group had rushed out of the secret base, they paused to catch their breath when they about three and a half miles from the location. Not near far enough to feel safe, but just enough to tone their incredible speed down to at least something that didn't make them all ready to gag.

"Sakura-chan, how about you get on my back?" Naruto offered. "You had a really terrible time and you look really exhausted."

She gave him a smile in gratitude. "That's ok Naruto. We're all tired. It wouldn't be fair for me to do that."

"Of course it is! You were kidnapped by the Akatsuki! You just pulverized one! I think out of all of us, you deserve to take it easy the most." Kiba inputted, stunned she could be so blind at times.

"W-Well…"

"Sakura," Gaara's strict voice echoed. "Just get on his back."

Sakura bit her lip, debating, before she nodded and jumped on the blonde's back (who looked very pleased).

"Thank you." She nuzzled against him, much to the jealousy of everyone else.

"Well, you just rest up Sakura-chan. We'll get you home reason soon." Naruto comforted.

She smiled, "Thank you."

'MUWHAHA! SHE'S MINE! BETTER BELIEVE IT BASTARDS!' Naruto and the Kyuubi howled in victory.

The rest just promised to sneak in some laxatives in his next ramen splurge.

* * *

Elsewhere within the world…

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY SAKURA?!" Sasuke roared.

* * *

And that was how Sakura was rescued, Chouji was molested, TenTen and Lee went on a date, Kakashi strangely didn't reappear, Chiyou made everyone ill, the Akatsuki was reduced to tears, Naruto earned laxatives in his ramen, Tsunade got back to work, and Sasuke became totally lost.

True, there was not much sleeping involved in this sleepover (if you don't count the men who will be in a coma for a few days) but it was certainly an adventure!

But what else is to come? With so many hot, baby-making-ready suitors can our favorite pinkette survive?

Who knows? Certainly will be fun watching her struggle!

_End_

**Next Time:** Sakura and the rest of the group finally decide to explain all and answer the hate.

**Author:** Been a looong time since I've done anything with this fic! I've missed it a lot. Luckily you shouldn't have to wait another five years for an update. I actually got a few of one-shots completed now. So, whenever I feel like it's been enough time (since I plan on updating other things as well) I'll just pop up another one-shot!

Be on the look out: I am revising, editing, and rewriting a lot of my fics (Naruto and all the others) and also plan on updating some more real soon and adding new ones to the collection. Hope you all will enjoy them once they are out! I can't promise too much attention to all the fics due to school and I'm writing a fantasy-series (hope to get it published), but hopefully this will not be put into the closet for years and years with not touching it.

Also, just as a reminder: This is just a funky little collection of one-shots/two-shots/three-shots (at the _most_). Unless I say otherwise in the introduction, they will pretty much be standing on their own and won't be sequels of each other.

Another thing, this is just for fun. I will definitely put attention and work into each of these. But they certainly won't be as…strictly looked after as the more serious chapter-fics. So some might feel like they end a little fast or something like that. Don't come in expecting wonderful pieces of (fan)fiction. This is pure humor and a great little escape.

Hope to see you all again soon! Hugs & Loves!


	3. I'll Explain Right Now!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. It is the sole property of Masashi Kishimoto. All rights reserved.

_**All To You and Them**_

**Genre: **Romance/General (varies)

**Pairings:** Sakura/Everyone, other minor pairings

**Rating:** T to M

**Summary:** Series of one-shots centered around one Haruno Sakura. Stories about love, triumph, friendship, and endless humor abound.

**Warning:** Cursing, sexual hints & humor, character poking, OOC characters, not very canon, and lot of mindless humor.

**Dedicated:** To the lovers and fans of Haruno Sakura and all of those who really just want a nice, good laugh!

**Story Two:** Sakura and the rest of the group finally decide to explain all and answer the hate.

**I'll Explain Right Now!**

"Ahem, uhm…ok…so…where do I start?" Sakura asked, fidgeting nervously with the mic at her neck. "And you sure this can capture everything I say even down so low?"

"Yes sweetie." Tsunade answered with a smile. "It's a lot like what you use during missions. Now don't be nervous. This is for your own good. The TV by you will have the statements and I just want you to honestly explain yourself to them."

"Well, I guess…" Sakura moved awkwardly again.

"Come on Sakura-chan! We're all here for you!" Naruto cried out, pumping his fist up for his love-interest.

She gave everyone a weak smile. So many came out to do this with her and support her. It really meant a lot to see them all.

"Take a deep breath. It's time for the first one." Tsunade warned and the quote appeared on the screen.

"_Sakura dumped Ino for a guy! A girl who was her best friend, who took her under her wing, and defended her for a guy she probably never really spoke to! How low and bitchy can you get?"_

Sakura flinched back. "Well, it certainly starts off strong."

"It doesn't get much better after this." Her shishou sighed. "Go on, it's your chance to explain yourself."

Sakura closed her eyes and sighed, meditating her emotions before she was finally ready to face the honest words.

"It was one of the most regrettable things I have ever done." She explained, looking at Ino with sad eyes. "It was shallow, it was impulsive, and it was out of petty jealousy."

"Come on Sakura, I know there is more to it than that." Ino comforted, urging her on.

"Yes, there is more to it. But it can't be overlooked that those things were also reasons as well. Best to face them now instead of hiding them." Sakura shook her head. "Look, I was a young girl who had a crush on a guy. A bad crush. And…I never got anything. Now, I know you might be saying I am ungrateful and at the time I was. But, all that I ever got from other people was something _through_ Ino."

Ino crossed her arms, nodding for her friend to continue.

"From age one to…jeeze what was it? About six? I was hated for stupid reasons. Then from six to about eleven I was suffocating behind Ino. She did so much for me. More than she can ever realize. But…gods, I was so tired of people forgetting my name or only remembering I existed when associated with Ino. I felt like Ino's pet or...or project at times. It was like…whenever I tried to do anything, it was never good enough because I was just a follower."

Sakura played with her hands a bit. "I would only be invited to things if I could get Ino to go. I would be her gopher for fans and admirers. Even if I made a perfect score on any test, Ino would get the crown of the class because I was still just her little pet. I got it only _because_ of her."

She pulled her short hair a bit, "I was just so friggen tired of it! After I heard she liked Sasuke-kun…I just flipped out. Because…because I knew she would've given him to me. I would not have earned Sasuke-kun's affection. Ino would either have pity on me and hand him over or she would win him over and I would be stuck watching them simply because I could never do things on my own."

Sighing, she rubbed her eyes, trying not to cry. "Not many know this, but since Ino saved me…every day I would call her and ask what to wear, how to have my hair, when I should wear make-up, if I should get mad at mom for making me do the dishes. I was dependent on Ino for everything. It was just…pitiful. So, when I found out Ino liked Sasuke-kun a well…I used it as an opportunity to prove myself. I should've taken another route, but I didn't know what else to do. I thought severing my friendship and making a rivalry would push me to become someone better and Ino wouldn't be as hurt."

"Stupid, naïve girl." Ino laughed. "You really were one of the most socially awkward people ever."

"Can it pig." Sakura grumped. "But, that's it. I know not the most inspiring or acceptable reason, especially since there were other paths I could've, and should've, taken, but what's done is done."

"I….have to confess I never wanted Sakura out of that shadow either. I was jealous of my position and I knew if Sakura showed her true colors, people would really like her…maybe more than me. And…I really liked her. Actually, loved her. She was like my little sister and I didn't want to share her. So I smothered her a bit." Ino confessed.

"I'm also a bit at fault for her temper. Sakura had feistiness to her, but she didn't show that temper till much later…after watching and mimicking me and the other girls. Sakura became who she was at age twelve because that was how all the other girls acted. If…if I hadn't stood up for her that time…or if I hadn't been so possessive, she would probably be very different. Probably far deeper than she appeared to be at first."

The blond looked away, a bit ashamed, "I did treat her as a pet at times, instead of as a little sister as I claimed her to be. I sheltered her too much and introduced her to things _**I **_thought were important. I never really gave her that much of a chance to be herself or grow-up. So, though hurt, I wasn't too crushed when she came to me that day to give me the ribbon. I was actually, no, I was _really_ damn proud of her for finally growing a backbone and telling me to shut-up and let her shine for once."

Sakura looked a bit surprised about this. "Really?"

"Of course! You're my best friend! You're always going to be my best friend! And, I knew I wasn't treating you as an equal but I couldn't seem to stop myself. And if you weren't going to say anything, then like hell I was." Ino grinned, "I said I was a possessive sort."

"Oh…" Sakura laughed shyly, so surprised to hear such words from her friend.

"Ok Sakura, let's get to the next one." Tsunade brought up the next quote. It was pleasing this first one went so well.

"_Sakura is horrible to Naruto! She is nothing but a cruel bitch and a bully. She treats a guy who cares for her more than anything like he is trash. Just where does she get off thinking she can treat someone like that? She doesn't deserve him."_

Sakura winced, "Ok, I was thinking that one would show up." She sighed. "Look, I am not proud of how I have treated Naruto in the past. But you all have to understand a few things. First, besides about four people, the _**whole**_ village did this. I was raised on thinking like this. Whether I felt it wrong or not, when your four, seven, or eleven…it doesn't always click that a whole village, your home, could be wrong."

She sighed, pushing some hair back. "Now, is that an excuse? Of course not. But it is one reason. Another is I was bullied myself. It is true, Naruto's and mine experience are totally different…but it changed how I acted. Sadly, it made me more fearful of being the center of attention rather than saving someone from it."

Sakura scratched at the microphone, finding it was rubbing against her skin. "Again, I don't think this is acceptable, but it is still a reason _**why**_. I was scared if I ever defended Naruto, the hate would come back to me ten-fold. Cowardly? Very much so. But I was six, had no friends all of my life, and for years thought I deserved it. If so many hate me there must be a reason about me, right? If everyone is bullying that blond kid, he must've deserved it too. Bullying can really affect a person. It can mess them up or strengthen them. I'm afraid, it messed me up a little."

Ino growled, remembering the poor beaten girl when she first saw her. "And it isn't easy to stand up for anyone. I knew Sakura's name before I saved her. I've heard of this "billboard brow" and had seen her around. I went a good long while before I did anything either. And I stood up to a bunch of pathetic bitches. Not a whole village."

Sakura smiled at her friend, "Still, thank you for that Ino."

"No problem forehead! Now continue on!"

"Right." She inhaled and exhaled. "Now, this explains why I didn't do anything when I was a child, but not when I was a pre-teen. At least not exactly. Ok, it does. Remember, the bullying messed me up. I felt like I had to be a certain way to fit in. I changed so much about myself just to stop being hated. If I hated this boy too, the same boy everyone else hates, just maybe I can find my place in the world and fit in. If all of you noticed, I didn't stand out much from the rest of the kunoichi in my class. Ah, personality wise I mean." She laughed, twirling some of her pink hair.

"Oh, speaking of that. Why I am so hated when the majority of the group does it as well? It's true, I did wrong by going with the flow, but I seem to be taking a good amount of hate for something that was a group effort. I might have called him annoying, but I never wanted him to die. And," She gave a sheepish look to the blond. "You are annoying."

"Meh. I've accepted it." Naruto shrugged with a grin. "And, might I add: I'M ANNOYING! Gods people! Even I can annoy myself! I don't know when to shut-up. I'm more obsessive than Sakura," He stopped and looked over at Sasuke, "can't say I am to his level yet."

"Shut it." The Uchiha hissed.

"But did you all hear me growing up? I talked of nothing but ramen, beating ass, saying dorky catch phrases, not to mention treating women like they were sex objects! I'm sorry, but I was a pre-teen. I tended to care more about the hips, breasts, and face of a woman than anything else." Naruto shrugged again. "I have always been loud and obnoxious. Sakura-chan didn't hate me simply because she was told to. She has always been very studious and excelled in academics. How would any one feel if the one thing they excelled out was constantly interrupted by someone who thought they knew everything and needed attention?"

Sakura laughed a bit, "Though looking back on it, it was funny."

"Now it is. But back then, it wasn't. I was taking your few moments to shine simply because I couldn't share the spotlight. So you always had every right to act out against me." Naruto huffed. "Everyone has someone, probably in their class and school, that just gets on their nerves by how they talk or act. Dudes, that's _**me**_. I grew out of it, but I was that someone everyone get's annoyed with."

Sakura smiled and shook her head, "Still, I should've done something. I'm sorry."

"Nah, honestly Sakura-chan, while I would've been touched at your kindness, it would've made me very worried. Also would've made me more of a target. People would say I bewitched you and probably would've tried to hurt me more, or worse, you."

The pink-haired girl looked very touched.

"And speaking of which, I'll be the judge on who I deserve, thank you very much. I see a lot more of Sakura-chan than you so I know how she is like." He grunted. "Has anyone asked and truly thought why I love Sakura-chan so much?"

Sakura blushed, getting a little bit shy on where this was turning.

"She is a wonderful girl with a wonderful personality. Yes she does have a bite, but I _like_ that about her. I don't want a pushover of a girl. I want someone who makes me work and makes things a challenge! Otherwise things would get boring. I'm a hunter and warrior by nature. So her tsundere attitude is so precious and a major turn on for me."

Sakura whimpered, hiding behind her hands. "I-I am n-not one!"

"Keep telling yourself that babe. Denial is also cute." He smirked. "And while my Sakura-chan is tough and powerful, she doesn't have much of a chance against me. If I wanted, I could block her punches. Hell, I could _kiss_ her any time if I didn't respect her so much."

"Better not, dobe."

Naruto grinned devilishly at Sasuke, "Can't do much to stop me."

"Moving on, Uzumaki." Tsunade warned, not wanting yet another battle.

"Right, right. Sakura has also been there for me when many others haven't. I've seen a lot of sides to her that really just take my breath away. And…well…I am my father's son." Naruto laughed sheepishly. "Seems we both have a very big fetish for feisty, violent girls with soft sides."

Sakura squeaked, getting more and more embarrassed by the second. Naruto really should not be making her feel this way! The dumb brat!

"Well, Sakura, do you have anything else you want to add about this one topic before we move on?"

"I…yeah…I'll just say it really sucks having a few years of my life control everything else about me." She sighed. "It's like…no one wants to take the time to understand the me before or the me after."

"Hey, that's not true!" Naruto cried out. "I really don't hold any of that against you. None of us here do. Come on, you were fucking twelve. I think everyone is suppose to be annoying at that age."

She laughed, "Gee thanks."

"Come on. We still have a few more to cover." Tsunade said, looking at the girl in concern. These would only get worse and Sakura was still very fragile when it concerned her feelings. This next one would hit on something that has tortured her student for years.

"_She is completely weak and useless. She does nothing for the team or for Konoha. All she does is cry."_

"Watch your mouth." Naruto growled.

"Naruto, it's a TV-screen." Sakura said, trying to cool his temper down.

"Doesn't mean I can't kill it!" He snarled, eyeing it evilly.

"I was actually waiting for this one. Please sit down and let me explain myself." Sakura begged.

Unable to fight off those eyes of hers, Naruto did as told and slumped back in his seat.

Sakura nodded gratefully and made herself comfortable, "I was the weakest of everyone. No one can ever deny that. It's a fact. But, I can't be too ashamed I guess. I mean…I'm the only one that is not from a ninja-family or was discovered by a teacher really early on. My family makes pastries for a living. I am the first, that we know of, that has actually stepped outside of the cooking field to go into combat."

"I want some more of your sweets! Both your pastries and lips!" Naruto purred, only to get smacked hard by Sasuke and Tsunade.

"E-Erm…" Sakura coughed and continued. "Anyway, I was actually the first one to show promise of becoming a kunoichi. Don't forget, I was training to be one before I met Sasuke-kun."

"Hey, that's right." Naruto looked at her, holding the painful lumps on his head. "Why did you become one? I don't think anyone has ever asked that."

Sakura shrugged bashfully, "I sorta…released my chakra when I was three. Nothing big mind you. But enough that it made my parents think I might try it out. Now, you can't really talk to a child that age about becoming a warrior. But…I dunno, for some reason I was always very interested in the life-style. Protecting those who couldn't protect themselves."

"A true hero." Lee cried out, hearts in his eyes.

"Hey," TenTen growled. "I love her too, but you're MY man. Don't go gaga over her."

"A-Ah right, sorry my sweet. I am just so over-whelmed by her amazing and wonderful youth!"

"Riiiight." TenTen gave him another stink eye.

"So that's what got me interested and why the Hokage urged me to join. But I wasn't fully accepted into training till I took my aptitude tests. Because, though village could use…uuuh…meat-shields," she winced at how terrible that sounded, "they didn't need flops."

"It was pretty damn high, huh?" Sasuke smirked.

"Second after Shikamaru." She stated bashfully. "And because I wasn't from any ninja-relations it caught the attention of the academy."

"Hah! So you're not weak! You're super sexy smart!" Naruto grinned.

Sakura shook her head, amused. "Naruto, I was weak. But as we covered, I wasn't from a ninja-clan. I had little to no training on anything. And well…I did sorta change my ideals of hero to fangirl." She rubbed the back of her head.

Sasuke smirked, "You're forgiven."

"Well thank you, all mighty Uchiha." Sakura rolled her eyes amusement. "But yes, for a while I was a fangirl and my concentration was on something it shouldn't have been on."

"I don't think it was that much of a waste." Sasuke teased, making her blush.

"Stop flirting with her, teme!"

"Make me dobe."

"A-Anyway!" Sakura sighed, once again needing to intervene before they clawed each other's faces. Again. "I don't think I was all that weak. I was actually pretty strong compared to a lot who was also in the academy with us. But because of the others in the Rookie 9 and who my teammates were, I was _totally_ overshadowed."

"She did climb the tree on the first attempt. That is **not** normal for a gennin." Kakashi noted, turning the page of his book. "And…" he sighed and closed his book, it was turning serious for him. "I sucked at her teacher."

"K-Kakashi-sensei…"

"No, don't defend me. Everyone knows it. You've seen how you blossomed under _proper _guidance. I played favorites and never pushed you, Sakura. Instead of making you continue to climb the tree or move on to water walking, I let you just watch Sasuke and Naruto after you got too tired. I got greedy in the potential I saw with them and completely overlooked you." He scratched the back of his head in shame. "I didn't expect you to make it through the Exams…but you _tied_. You tied a girl with far more abilities and training than yourself. And without my help."

Sakura bit her lip and looked away, feeling weepy-eyed again.

"I'm," Kakashi cleared his throat, not use to this. "I'm sorry. If I had given you the same attention as I did those boys, you probably could've beaten Ino. It's possible you could've become a chunin right by Shikamaru. You were strong when no one else was even helping you to achieve it."

She had to cover her mouth, telling herself she wouldn't bawl.

"Yeah! And we were only training under him for about a year and a half. I also got side training from the pervert and since Sasuke-teme was the favorite of the village he got special attention from the get-go. You pretty much got strong by yourself, Sakura-chan!" Naruto cheered.

"You also started to master techniques at a very fast pace. Within two years you had medical-jutsus down! _Medical_ ones! Those are some of the hardest anyone could ever understand and you were getting them quicker than anyone I have ever seen." Tsunade beamed with pride.

"Not to mention you always had the perfect chakra control and a keen eye for techniques." Sasuke inputted, remembering how the girl could see past a lot of genjutsus.

"S-S-Stop it. I-I'm going to-to cry!" Sakura sniffled.

"Then cry! Jeeze, what the hell is wrong with the world if people think it's horrible to shed tears? It's a healthy way of venting emotion and taking a step in becoming stronger as a person." Tsunade grumbled. "Besides, I doubt you were crying over a stubbed toe. You cry during moments anyone would."

"I think it's adorable Sakura-chan!" Naruto smirked at her. "Makes me want to protect you."

"Dobe, back off from her!"

"Make me you duck-butt!"

Sakura was molten as the tears dribbled down her face.

"Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with being a crybaby." Ino shrugged. "It's not that aggravating. You don't do it _every_ day. You do it instead of ranting, destroying property, or hurting others...typically. I think it seems pretty a-ok."

"Besides, you don't let the crying stop you. At least not for long." Kakashi comforted. "You let it out then you get up and try even harder the next time. Pretty brave if you ask me."

"Very brave." Tsunade corrected. "Not many in this world are willing to shed tears any more. Most lost the ability. It is rather refreshing to have someone who can express their emotions in such a way."

"Besides," Kakashi chuckled. "As Naruto said, I was training you for about a year and a half. You certainly didn't cry every single day or every obstacle you faced. We do train a lot in secret so not everyone was able to see any effort you put in every session."

"I-I guess so." Sakura sniffled, wiping her eyes. She thanked Shizune who brought her a tissue.

"Not to mention you would cry over death or the fact duck-butt there tore out your heart and stomped on it." Kakashi finished with a shrug.

"STOP SAYING THAT!" A very shameful Sasuke ordered.

"We're never letting you live it down. Get over it." The group snapped, still a little bitter on that fact.

Sasuke growled, "Then let me say something to this matter."

"Go right ahead moron. Doubt it will make us drop any of this." Kiba grunted.

"Fine. I'll just say, Sakura did a lot more for than team than anyone could probably comprehend. Naruto and I would never have made it as an actual team. We were both self-centered and too focused on beating each other than to really function properly. Yes, our rivalry got us stronger…but it didn't do much else."

"I think that is the most you have ever said, teme." Naruto said, giving him a slow clap. "Bravo."

"Shut. It." Sasuke snarled before continuing. "And if you say that about her than you are insulting a lot more than just Sakura. You are belittling our dead Hokage who placed her with us for a _reason_. He was no random fool. He thought long and hard why she would be perfect for a prodigy and for the Kyuubi-container. You insult her teachers, her teammates, all those she has saved, and us."

"I hate to ever agree with the bastard, but he is right. Sakura balanced us out. Without her things would be greatly different, and not for the better. We needed her naivety and innocence to keep us down to earth and she needed us to be grateful about what she has in the world." Naruto explained.

"And ugly has done well with me too." Sai piped in. "Even though I might be….ahh…what was it Naruto-kun?"

"A social retard." The blond growled.

"Right, that, I can at least understand that she is a pretty good person. I have done a lot wrong by her and yet she doesn't give up on me. Out of everyone I have met, she is the most loyal and team-orientated person I know."

"Move it, faker." Sasuke glared, not fond of Sai. "I'm defending her, not you."

Kakashi sighed, "See? Each of the boys tends to put their negative emotions for each other before the team. Sakura doesn't."

"Hn. It's a three-man cell because the triangle formation offers balance. I balance out Sakura's and the dobe's loudness and immaturity. Naruto balance out Sakura's and mine seriousness and negativity. And Sakura balance out our depressing lives, lack of family, and so many other things."

"Not too mention she had taken down an Akatsuki member, healed puppet-ass, helped saved Gaara, taking a part in a war, and saved countless of lives. Yeaaaah, I would say she is not useless." Kiba summed up.

"Alright, I think we covered that one. Next!" Tsunade cried out. Her poor Sakura looked prepared to start sobbing all over again.

"_She is nothing but a fangirl!"_

"Ugh! I'm never going to live it down!"

Sasuke's smirk grew, happy the attention was off of him for a moment. "Seems like you need to cover the topic again."

"Hmph. Yes, I admit it. I was a fangirl of Uchiha Sasuke. In case anyone forgot, most every other girl was too OR they gawked at his looks and wanted his attention. I was with him the most so I was able to fangirl the easiest." She sighed; humiliated she had to talk about this. "I was a teenager in love. What do you think I would do?"

"Fangirl." Ino said.

"Fangirl." Hinata whispered.

"Oh so totally molest that bit—I mean, ahem, fangirl." Temari batted her eyes innocently.

"Fangirl!" TenTen grinned, looking proud. "I like fangirling. It's fun."

"So, it's not something that is unnatural. Annoying, yes. But to wish death upon? Uuuh…no." Sakura sighed. "I'm not proud of it. But I did grow out of it. Let's not judge me on one negative quirk."

"It was negative just cause of who you were fangirling over! You should've drooled over my baby brother instead!" Temari cried out, pointing to a humiliated redhead. "He has dirty dreams of youOMPH!" Was all that was said as she was engulfed in sand.

"J-Just m-move on Haruno." Gaara ordered, ignoring Sasuke's and Naruto's devil glare.

"W-Well, there is not much to say except I am sorry about it. I learned from it and moved on and hope everyone else does the same too." She played with her hair again, wanting this to be over with already. "You can't really grow or learn anything without some negativity…right?"

"Next one hag! My Sakura-chan isn't liking this." A protective Naruto ordered.

"Brat, don't you dare take that tone with me. I'll crunch you into dust." She sniffed but went on and changed the quote.

"_Sakura is a total SLUT!"_

It was silent for a moment.

One breath.

Two…

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" The group roared.

"Who the hell would say anything like that about Sakura?!" Naruto snarled, his eyes red. "A slut?! _A slut_?!"

"Clearly someone does not understand what the term actually _means_." Tsunade grunted.

"Clearly someone wants to **die**." Sasuke growled, pulling out his katana.

"I-I…what?" Sakura looked horrified and stunned. "How…I don't even know how to begin! I have only flirted with Sasuke-kun and a few times with Naruto AFTER Sasuke-kun left and I was growing feelings for him!"

"Yeah, if anything Ino would be the slut! Wait…feelings for me?" Naruto looked at her, his eyes sparkling. "R-Really? Knew you were a tsundere!"

"What?!" Sasuke gaped. "You can't be serious, Sakura!"

She blushed, "B-Back to the explanation! And Ino is not…ugh." She pinched her forehead. "Ok. I'll try to answer this calmly. Listen, first off I would never actually do _**it **_with a person unless I really love them and have been with them for a while. If you're talking about when I thought Sasuke-kun was looking at me with 'bedroom eyes', I didn't mean it like I was ready to be taken right then. I was twelve for god's sake." She shook her head. "I heard it from other girls and romance books."

"Oh yeah, I loaned you some of those." Ino remembered.

"And as I said, I never flirted with anyone but the two I hold a romantic pull for. Is it wrong to flirt with two guys? At the same time, maybe. And I just say maybe because I am a traditionalist and a bit uuh…"

"Boring." Ino grinned.

"Shut it!" Sakura snapped. "But I didn't do it at the same time. I was focused on Sasuke-kun and the flirting really started with Naruto once Sasuke-kun had left for two friggen years. I think that is an acceptable enough gap to test the waters with someone else." She rolled her eyes. "And I would tease Naruto, but it was never really flirting…unless I did it subconsciously."

"Which is a possibility." Kakashi grinned. "You two were pretty close as gennin."

Naruto smirked, looking quite pleased towards his eternal rival.

"And don't think that just because a few guys have flirted with me that I am begging for it." Sakura growled, not liking this at all. "Lee-san started on his own, the same with the guy who could run! What's his face…or the villain that called me a rabbit. I'm not asking for these things, ok! Why is it if **they** flirt with **me **I'm the slut?"

"It's out of petty jealousy, Sakura." Sasuke grunted. "You're surrounded by good looking men."

"Thanks for being so modest, Sasuke-kun." Sakura snorted. "Though I guess that is the case…but why aren't you picking on Hinata or Ino or TenTen? Not like I would want that but if they're surrounded by hot men too…it just doesn't seem fair I'm called out on it."

"Besides, the ratio of men to women in our world is pretty big. About 4:1. Ever noticed that the teams are primarily made of two boys and one girl? It's because more boys are born. And more boys tend to become shinobi." Tsunade explained. "This is just something in our world. Sakura shouldn't be blamed for it."

"And I dress modestly! Throughout my time in Team Seven I had pretty much everything covered! Hinata might beat me modest-wise, but it's hard to beat a hoodie! And I'm hot natured, and Konoha is part of the _Fire _country!" Sakura wanted to pull her hair out. Again.

"My outfit under shishou changed because that would be the most mobile for my taijutsu skills! Also being a medic-nin I have to avoid attacks! Anything too loose can get caught up in something. And did I mention it's the friggen _**Fire **_country?"

"Ok dear, deep breaths." Shizune comforted, coming out with some water for the stressed girl.

"Thank you." She gulped it down in one go. "Ah…better."

"And if this is about flirting, why should anyone judge?" Ino snorted. "First off, it's natural to want to flirt with hot guys. If you're' not sleeping with them, and even then it's not the end of the world, or if you're not in a committed relationship, what's so bad with it? Besides, we're fucking kunoichi. That does entail seduction. So every woman out there in the field, risking her life, risking her sanity, self-worth, and purity to gather vital information are sluts then?"

"And if you're really judging someone on an outfit, than that is a pretty shallow." Tsunade said, her temper short. "And my student does dress modestly! If you're calling her a slut based on her outfit than Ino, Temari, that other stupid female Hokage, and myself must have every STD on the planet!"

"A-And actually…I don't really dress like this by choice." Hinata said shyly. "I-I **am** modest. B-But, as Sakura said, it is the Fire country." She gave a smile to her friend. "I-I come from a very strict clan. It's improper for a female to show too much skin or have outfits that show off a figure. I dress like this from tradition."

"And the males are expected to do the same." Neji inputted. "If given the choice, Hinata-san would probably wear something more comfortable."

"And Sakura has killer legs that she worked her ass off for! Let the girl flaunt it!" Temari spoke up. "I would kill for those thighs girl! Don't you hide them!"

Sakura wanted to sink into the chair, but gave a grateful wave to the Sand-sib none-the-less.

"L-Let's go on to the next one." She squeaked, trying to hide her legs from the many staring eyes.

Tsunade chuckled, "Alright. Here it is."

"_She is SO ugly!"_

"THAT'S IT! YOUR ASS IS MINE, TV!" Naruto roared, needing to be held back by most of the group.

"Ouch." Sakura blinked. "No really, I mean…that is painful. I didn't think I was pretty as some of the other girls, but I didn't think I was so ugly it brought hate."

"You aren't, Sakura." Tsunade sighed. "Basing love or hate on looks alone is pitiful. While you might not appeal to everyone, you are gorgeous in all of our eyes. Anyone who says that sounds like they are an insecure Barbie doll."

"Lee ain't nothing pretty to look at and he's loved." Kiba noted, only to get attacked by a wave of weapons from the protective weapons mistress. "I WAS KIDDING!"

"I do not understand this one." Sai tilted his head.

"They're not saying it out of endearment or to tease, Sai. These people are really judging a lot on Sakura's character based on her looks." Kakashi explained.

"Ah…that is rather idiotic."

"This one isn't even worth our time. It's immature whining." Tsunade said. "And Naruto, stop trying to kill an inanimate object. No Naruto! Wait! We have more" She was interrupted from her pleads as a Kyuubi-enraged Naruto tackled the TV, biting its wires out "quotes to answer…"

Sakura smiled at the young man, "It's ok shishou. I actually think I've had enough for today. That was one of the most mentally exhausting things I've gone through."

"Well, that is true. A break will be for the best." She smiled at her student. "How about we all treat you to a big gourmet dinner? I think after today, you deserve it!"

"R-Really?" She looked all excited. "A-Are you sure about that?"

"Of course." Sasuke grunted, pulling her along. "Don't question a gift."

"Yeah, forehead girl. We all feel pretty bad for you. Just let yourself get smothered with attention tonight!" Ino teased, wrapping her arm around the smaller girl's shoulders.

"W-Well…ok then! Let's get some food!" Sakura grinned, finding herself caring very little what others think about. If she had people who cared about her this much, those words meant nothing to her.

"I'LL SEND YOU TO TV-HELL YOU ELECTRONIC BITCH!" Naruto continued to roar.

"Let's just…let him catch up." Tsunade said, ushering them all away from the manic.

* * *

**Next Time:** Chibi-Sakura time! And this is probably the only child that a whole village is fighting to babysit.

**Author:** Yes, this was a bit more on my thoughts about a lot of the hate for Sakura. In all honesty, while I don't like Sakura being hated it's not the biggest bother. It's not too difficult (most of the time) to avoid reading and viewing hate sites or hate fics. Everyone has every right to hate a fictional character and bash 'em. Free country and it's the Internet. I'm also really aware of her flaws and such.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to come to her defense. Because sometimes (especially back a few years ago) I would find/hear reasons that just made me go "whaaat?". Hate a person, go ahead! Sometimes you don't even need a reason. People can't help it if they just can't like a character. Again, nothing wrong. But, there are just some reasons I just felt like I needed to pop in and make a counter-argument. Even though it is all just for fun, I just wanted to do it.

A lot is more "fan fact" than canon. I stopped reading and watching the series a few chapters after Sakura confessed her love to Naruto. Now that wasn't the reason I left it, but that is the general area where I stopped so you if something was later explained, sorry about that. But hey, it's a non-serious fanficion so I don't think it's too big of a deal.

I just thought I would deal with a few things that just bugged me. It was nice to rant through the characters. There are more out there, but unless I am inspired, I might just leave it at this. I think I covered some main points of the hate.

**BTW:** None of these are actual, straightforward quotes from anyone. Just a generalization of what I have heard.

Again, hate who you want! Though I am not fond of hate, I don't think it is unnatural. This is just a personal thing for myself and I have wanted to defend Sakura for some time.

**P.S.:** I have changed the summary, title, and genre of the story. I've decided to add more than just humor filled one-shots and thought I should change everything to fit that. So look forward to some actual serious and truly romantic focused one-shots ahead!


	4. Oh Sweet Baby of Mine (prt1)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. It is the sole property of Masashi Kishimoto. All rights reserved.

_**All To You and Them**_

**Genre: **Romance/General (varies)

**Pairings:** Sakura/Everyone, other minor pairings

**Rating:** T to M

**Summary:** Series of one-shots centered around one Haruno Sakura. Stories about love, triumph, friendship, and endless humor abound.

**Warning:** Cursing, sexual hints & humor, character poking, OOC characters, Sakura-harem, possible dark fics, not very canon, and lot of mindless humor.

**Dedicated:** To the lovers and fans of Haruno Sakura and all of those who really just want Sakura to get the love she deserves!

**Story Three:** The adventures of chibi-Sakura and her possessive babysitters!

**Oh Sweet Baby of Mine**

**Part 1**

Her body jerked and spasamed when the jutsu hit her. It was an overwhelming burning sensation. It was so painful and it brought tears to her eyes. Her whole body felt like it was twisting, crunching, and caving in on itself. She panted as she tried to regain control over her body, trying to get her own chakra to counter-act this surprise attack.

But to her horror she found as this juts spread throughout her system, her own power began to drastically dwindle. There was nothing she could do to protect herself.

With a scream of pain and horror she could no longer fight it and then her body disappeared with an unsettling _poof_.

"Sakura!" Haruno Hikaru cried as she rushed into her daughter's room, a panic look on her face. That scream was one of pain and fear, one that crushed the heart of a mother. "Sakura? Sakura baby! Where are you?"

The room was empty and still.

Hikaru felt panic swell in her chest. She knew her child had been in this room! "A-Answer your mommy right now Sakura! Right now!"

"M-Ma…mama!"

Hikaru paused her panic attack, recognizing that little voice and looked down at a small lump in her daughter's clothes. "S-Sakura?" She approached the lump cautiously, pulled back the items of clothing and found large green eyes blinking back at her.

"Mama!"

"Sakura!" Hikaru gaped, looking at the child, who was no more than three years old. "Oh no…oh no! I'm so sorry sweetie! Mama is so sorry! She was just trying out a new anti-aging jutsu Tsunade gave me! It was supposed to get rid of my wrinkles n-not…" She looked at the girl who was sucking on her thumb.

Sakura stared up at her mother, not understanding what was going on. Her mama was saying silly things.

"MY BABY IS SO PRECIOUS!" The woman squealed as she clung to the child, snuggling against her. "I never thought I would get to see you this tiny again! Sooooo precious!"

Sakura, used to her mother's loud behavior, just snuggled right back against her.

"Oh, what am I doing?" She shook her head, pacing around the room. "I need to get your healed. But...but..." She didn't really feel up to going to the leader of the village and face what she has done. Wouldn't it be easier to just re-raise Sakura? They could start over! "But I was really wanting grandchildren and Sakura has so many boy-toys to choose from."

It was a terrible choice. Hide out and avoid getting scolded (aka slaughtered) or let her baby be healed and have many, many husbands.

"Uh…uuh…oh…" Hikaru sniffled. "Tsunade is going to _kill_ me!"

* * *

"So…let me get this straight." Tsunade started, her face spazzing with twitches. A very scary looking vain was starting to pump under the skin of her forehead. "You did a medical jutsu without myself present, messed up on it, and now my apprentice is a three-year-old."

"Erm…yep! Hehe." Hikaru giggled sheepishly, keeping her daughter close. She made a good meat-shield against the anger of the Hokage.

"I would kill you," Tsunade snarled quietly as she got up, slowly approaching the woman. "If…Sakura-chan wasn't the cutest thing in the whole wide world!" She then snatched the girl from her mother, snuggling her as well. "What a cutie! Do you want a lollypop sweetheart?"

Sakura, who was about to start crying in fear, nodded slowly. "Y-Yes p-pwease."

"KYAAAAH! Oh my god! She is too precious!" Tsunade squealed, swaying around. She instantly dove into her desk where there was a 'fun drawer' reserved only for sake and sweets. "Here you go honey. Now, why don't you come sit here at the important desk with me and we'll talk with your mama."

Sakura looked up at her mama who nodded with a comforting smile.

She trotted over to the blond woman, letting her pick her up and set her on her lap. "D-D-Dank you." She sputtered, shoving the candy in her mouth.

Tsunade had to shove a fist in her own mouth to not start shrieking out at the adorableness.

"Ok." She took a moment, before staring at the older Haruno. "What. Happened."

"I dunno Tsunade! I really don't! I thought I did it exactly right…" Hikaru crossed her arms over her chest, looking thoughtful. "Then I hear my baby screaming and I run in and find her like this! Only naked." She sighed, so relieved she had obsessively kept a lot of Sakura's baby clothes in preparation for grandchildren.

"Well, clearly something went wrong." The Hokage looked down at the girl who was remaining silent as the adults spoke. "You and me will have to look over the scrolls, the jutsu, and your steps in great detail. This is…I mean…Hikaru it takes a great amount of training and skill to do something like this! Not even most jounins know this technique. It was band years ago."

Hikaru scratched the back of her head, "Wonder how I managed it."

"You shouldn't have. Well to start off, you need to actually be a ninja." She gave the woman such a look for daring to do any technique without permission. Even if they were good friends it was no excuse for her to break the rules. "You need to touch your target, primarily at a gate within the body so it can spread quickly. It also takes a large amount of chakra. From what you already said, this is making me think something else happened and not the forbidden jutsu." She sighed, "Which is why I can't heal Sakura right now."

"H-Huh? But why not?"

"Because this _isn't_ the forbidden jutsu! The jutsu I am speaking of only regresses the body down to a younger state so that the victim is unable to use techniques or fight as an adult. Their mental state NEVER does what the body does. If this was the jutsu I would be able to get her healed within a day or two. However, since I don't know what exactly caused this I can't treat her the same way. It is too risky that something will happen. You should know the human body is very delicate and complicated." Tsunade gave the girl a pat on the head. "You and I will be at the office and your home. We will go over every single step. Hell, even what you ate this morning. We will need to figure this out."

"W-Well…ok." Hikaru looked at her baby. "What about her?"

Tsunade sighed, "We get her babysitters."

* * *

Naruto glared daggers at everyone who was in the Hokage's office with him. He had been so excited when he was told to immediately come and receive a special mission. Now he was sulking to see that he wasn't the only one. Each and every one of his rivals was there ready to take the spotlight from him!

How was he supposed to be the special center of the world when everyone else was there?

Sasuke glared right back before he looked at the Hokage. He wasn't too impressed. He had no desire to be there. But he knew that coming to the Hokage's beck and call was just part of his punishment after his betrayal (which did no good since he still hadn't fulfilled his revenge).

The rest of the "Rookie" teams and Gai's team looked around, unsure what was going on. What would be so important that they all would be called for?

"I have a very special mission. One I think all of you should be a part of."

"Hey, wait a second old hag!" Naruto cried out. "My Sakura-chan isn't here. We shouldn't get started on this without her. She would be very insulted."

Tsunade sighed, "Naruto…everyone…Sakura is the mission. Something happened."

"What?" Sasuke snarled, appearing before her. "What happened?"

"Where is my Sakura-chan? Did some bastards try to hurt her?" Naruto's eyes were already bleeding the fearsome Kyuubi-red.

"Shhh, all of you, shhh! No foul language and no loud noises." Tsunade hushed. "Sakura is here and safe. But something…strange happened. Her mother and myself will work together to try and figure out what happened. But until we get everything resolved we need you to look after her."

Kiba looked concerned, "What happened to her, Hokage-sama?"

The woman sighed, "Voices down, please. I'll show you." She then moved her chair back and smiled under her desk. "Honey, you come out now, ok. I want you to meet some people."

The group looked totally lost.

"What is under your desk there?" Kakashi asked, tilting his head, wondering what was going on.

Tsunade didn't answer as she smiled comfortingly. There was movement and then a little head poked out from the edge of the desk.

"Go on Sakura. Go say hi. They won't bite." Tsunade urged.

Sakura shyly stepped out, looking down. "H-Hewwo….m-m-my n-name i-is S-Sakuwa….I-I'm fwee." She said, holding up three chubby fingers.

And like that the group was on the ground with a gushing nosebleed.

"Oye! Don't bleed! The wood will be ruined! And the blood might scare Sakura-chan!" Tsunade scolded as she stormed over and picked up the little girl who looked all teary-eyed again. "Now, now. You didn't do anything wrong. They're all just being idiots, ok?"

"O-Otay…" Sakura sniffled, shoving her thumb back in her mouth.

Naruto was the first on his feet and was nearly clawing at Tsunade to get to the girl. "L-Let me see her, hag! J-Just share her! Please!" He begged, reaching desperately for the child.

"Hmph! You be careful. Drop her and _**I'll kill you**_." She hissed dangerously as she slowly handed Sakura over to the greedy Naruto who eagerly snatched her up.

"Hi there Sakura-chan! I'm Naruto!" He cuddled against her. "MINE!" He hissed to the others still trying to see straight after such a terrible blood loss.

"Hush!" Tsunade ordered. "Now listen, all of you. Haruno Hikaru messed up a jutsu that affected Sakura, as you very well see. We don't yet know what exactly happened. I will be working with her to figure it out. All of you are to work together and watch over Sakura."

Ino's eyes sparkled. "We get to babysit her?"

"Yes. Look, it might seem like a lot to have you all watch her, but I know you all care for her. And Sakura doesn't have her adult memories or her powers. She is an easy target for any enemy. So I want you all to guard her as we figure this out." Tsunade went back to her seat.

Hinata squealed softly, hurrying over to the girl in Naruto's arms. "H-Hello Sakura-chan. I'm Hinata. Would you mind if I was your friend?"

Sakura blinked and nodded shyly. "F-Fweind."

The plum-haired girl nearly died. "Oh sweetie. You're too cute! We can have a tea-party later if you want."

Instantly the girl was nodding rapidly, wanting that a lot.

"Good, Hinata is already doing what is needed. While you guys are on a mission, you are taking care of a little girl. You need to look after her, keep her safe, and keep her occupied. Bathroom, food, toys, movies, the whole shebang. You need to give her all of it on top of the protection." Tsunade crossed her arms over her chest. "Hikaru has informed me that Sakura was very shy and fragile at this age. So you can't raise your voices around her."

Sakura looked up at Naruto and shyly touched his cheeks, "Whiskies…"

Naruto pretty much melted into a pile of goo. "Yes! And they are all yours. You wanna kiss them?"

"Naruto_oooo_," Sasuke, Neji, and Kiba growled.

"No! None of that!" Tsunade said quickly, waving her hands around. "You boys need to control your possessiveness…the same with you girls. If you feel like you're going fight, hand the girl to someone else and take it away from her."

"Of course. We won't do anything like that." Shikamaru sighed, stepping up. "Ah, but Hokage-sama, should anyone else be told of this?"

"Anyone else?"

"I mean Gaara and his siblings. You know they will be here soon for that meeting and you know they care for her too." Shikamaru explained, remembering his girlfriend and her brothers.

"I suppose I will. I will make sure that they come to me first and I will explain to them the situation. Now, all of you are understanding what you must do?"

TenTen raised her hand, "Hokage-sama, what do we do if you don't get this resolved by tonight?"

Tsunade tilted a brow, "You will be staying at her place of course. I won't have that poor baby sleep in a scary and new place. You can figure who and how many will stay with her each night. If you have any questions you will need to get one of the ANBU members to get a hold of me. Hikaru, Shizune, and myself will be locked up for a while." She then waved them off, "You're dismissed."

They all grinned as they looked at the quiet girl in Naruto's arms.

"Oh, and if I hear she was miserable for one second you all will suffer a hell like no other in this world."

* * *

Naruto grinned at the girl in his arms, not wanting to hand her off to anyone. They were all walking down the village to a small park where most children her age were taken. "My daughter with Sakura-chan will look just like her! Only with blue eyes."

Sakura looked up at him, not sure what he was saying. She continued to suck on her fingers, looking around at the strangers with some concern. She was use to being only with her mama and her mama only.

Kakashi sensed this and leaned down to be at her eye-level, "Hey there Sakura-chan. Your mama and the Hokage are gonna be busy. So you're going to play with us all day. Does that sound fun?"

She nodded shyly, not much of a talker.

He chuckled and gave her a pat on the head.

Naruto growled possessively and pulled her away from the man.

"Alright dobe, you had your turn. Hand her over." Sasuke ordered, holding out his hand for the girl.

"No." Naruto hissed, not one for sharing.

"Naruto." Kakashi warned. "Tsunade will crack your spine in two. Behave. You can hold her again later."

Naruto grumbled, remembering that the woman would indeed kill him if he started a fight. "Fine. But I stay with Sakura in her room, her bed tonight!" he smirked. "I'll protect her from monsters and nightmares."

Sasuke growled, "Perverted dobe." He then took the girl, looking down at her. He's never held a child before. It was a weird sensation, but not one that was bad. He had wanted to rebuild his clan so he would need to get use to dealing with little ones. And the fact that it was Sakura made it all the better.

'Tch he thinks he will get a daughter with my Sakura? Keep dreaming dobe.' He smirked. 'She and I will have at least thirteen children.'

"I-I S-Sakuwa." She greeted, wanting to be polite.

He smiled, "I'm Sasuke."

"S-Saaa….Saasu…" She frowned, concentrating on saying his name. With her little lisps she found it difficult at times. "Saw-ke!"

He chuckled, "That will do."

"Hey Sakura-chan! My name is Kiba!" He grinned. "You wanna see Akamaru? He is a biiiiig puppy!"

Her eyes sparkled and she nodded, "Puppy!"

He grinned and called for his best friend to appear, but slowly, for the girl.

Sasuke scowled, not liking that Kiba was taking away his spotlight from Sakura.

"Hey, that mutt of yours better be gentle." Naruto warned, keeping himself close to Sasuke, ready to steal the girl back at a moment's notice.

"Akamaru would never hurt Sakura-chan." Kiba growled, insulted the gentle dog would be accused of such a thing.

"Puppy!" She reached out to pet the big, happy dog.

Sasuke pulled her back for a moment but then leaned down to let her pet the dog. "You be careful, ok?"

"O-Otay!" She giggled, petting and hugging the dog that was enjoying the attention. "Puppy."

"His name is Akamaru, Sakura-chan." Kiba squatted down so that he could talk with her. "Can you say that?"

She nodded, "Akama-wu!"

Kiba grinned, proud of her. "Good job!"

"Hehe," She beamed right back.

"My turn to hold her!" Kiba called out.

"No. Naruto held her for like fifteen minutes. You can wait your turn, dog." Sasuke huffed, still clinging to the girl.

"Will she even remember how to walk after this? You guys won't let her feet touch the ground." Chouji laughed, finding it all very amusing.

"And don't forget to share!" Ino scolded. "She's my best friend. I wanna get a chance to hold on to her!"

TenTen huffed, "Hey, I believe Sakura and_** I**_ became best friends. You were too proud and busy after the duck-butt."

"Will you guys stop calling me that?" Sasuke twitched.

"I-I apologize TenTen, but you are wrong. Sakura-chan and I are best friends." Hinata inputted, ignoring the insulted Uchiha.

Ino glared at the both of them, "Both of you back off. I am Sakura's best friend so I get to hold her first."

Scowling, Hinata took a step forward, ready to tackle the blond but was stopped.

"Hinata." Shino placed a hand on her shoulder. "I understand your affection for Haruno-san but you must remember what Tsunade-sama said."

The female Hyuuga looked at her boyfriend and sighed. "You're right. We have to avoid any bitter arguments." She straightened herself back, biting her tongue to not snap back at Yamanka.

"My turn, duck-butt!" Kiba whined, trying to get to the pink-haired child.

"No!" Sasuke growled, pressing his foot against the dogface. "She's mine and it's my turn! Back off!"

"I think I should hold Sakura. You all are far too rough with someone who needs to be treated with soft hands." Neji said, trying to get to the girl in his hands.

"Ok, ok." Chouji stepped forward. "Everyone just stop." He sighed, "Look, all of you keep forgetting that you can't fight. Especially if the girl is in your hands."

Neji looked at the plump-man than looked back at the child. "Yes. We should not let our anger get control of us and harm my Sakura."

Sasuke huffed and pushed the two brunettes away, pulling Sakura back close to him. "Are you ok?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded. "U-Uhm…Sawke? I-I…I-I hungwy."

"My Sakura-chan is hungry?!" Naruto looked at her in a panic. "What would you like, sweetie?"

"Uhm…" She shrugged shyly, playing with Sasuke's shirt.

"Hey, you can have anything. Don't be shy. Just let us know." Sasuke urged.

"Uhm…" She bit her lip. "Ice-ceam?"

Sasuke chuckled. "We will get you some ice-cream."

"But, you need something a bit healthy too. Let's also get you some other food too." Neji said, not wanting her to get a tummy ache. "Is there something else you like?"

"Erm…S-Spaghetti!"

"Ah! I make a real good spaghetti! I can make that for dinner!" TenTen grinned, looking proud.

"O-Otay." She smiled, looking excited.

"How about we go to the park and you can get your ice-cream first and then we'll have spaghetti for dinner." Kakashi offered, so relieved she was such an easy-going child.

"Wait, I have to make it for everyone?" TenTen gaped.

"Of course! You heard what Tsunade-sama said." Ino flipped her hair back. "We all need to protect her and we need to provide for her. So, if you volunteer for dinner, you have to do it for all of us."

"B-But…b-but that's over ten people with huge appetites!" The girl continued. She thought she would make it for herself, Lee, Sakura, and maybe one other guy. Not the whole friggen group.

"Guess you should go get started on it." Hinata smirked. "Don't worry. We'll take care of Sakura-chan."

"I-I…b-but…" TenTen looked down at the girl who was looking so excited for the promised spaghetti. "F-Fine. Lee and….Shino! You both are going to help me. I need a lot of supplies and a lot of help."

"YOSH! I am prepared for the mission!" Lee saluted. "I will carry all the groceries while walking backwards on my hands and for anything I drop I must preform fifty squats."

"Oh no you don't. You're not going to carry anything weirdly." She growled, grabbing her boyfriend by the ear and dragging him down the street. "BUG-BOY! HURRY UP!"

Shino, not really bothered by the temper, looked at Hinata.

"I promise I will behave. Besides, it's just Ino now and me. I am sure the both of us can control ourselves. Since there are so few women now, we'll work together." Hinata swore.

"Right." He nodded and walked off. He wasn't one for showing public affection. Luckily Hinata understood and being very modest herself was ok with how slow they were going.

"Ok, so we got dinner planned. We'll get Sakura-chan some ice cream for a snack. And we'll take her to the park." Ino hummed, tallying off everything. "I think we need to really make sure she plays in the park. We need to wear her down."

Hinata nodded, agreeing. "Yes. Though she is very sweet, she is a child. If we don't wear her out she could be up past her bedtime."

Neji twitched and nodded, remembering all the times he had to take care of his younger cousins. Out of everyone here, he probably had the most experience with babysitting.

"Sakura-chan," Kiba asked, looking at the cute girl. "What would you like to play at the park?"

"Uhm…" She looked thoughtful. How was she supposed to pick? There were so many options! Swings, sandbox, tag, red-rover, hide and seek…it was almost too much for her brain to handle. "S-Swings!"

"Ok." Kiba nodded.

Kakashi jumped in, "I'll push her!"

"W-What?! No! I want too!" Naruto and Kiba whined.

"Toooo baaaad!" Kakashi sang. He looked quite victorious. "Come on sweetie. Come to uncle Kaka!" And he promptly plucked the girl from Sasuke's hands and took her into the park.

"W-What? HEY! Give her back! It was still my turn!" Sasuke roared, chasing after the hyper masked man.

* * *

"Whee!" Sakura giggled as Kakashi pushed her. "Ah-wheee!" She continued, squealing and laughing with each push.

Kakashi was enjoying himself. Though he wasn't a huge fan of kids, he could deal with Sakura. Though she had supreme bratty moments when she was twelve, this age she was a little doll. He should tie Ino to a post by her hair for what she did to his bubbly girl. True, Sakura turned out wonderful…but Kakashi liked blaming people for anything.

"Don't push her too high!" Naruto whimpered, watching the tiny girl up in the air. "Not so hard!"

"Sakura, sweetie, hold on tight….not too tight though! I don't want your hands hurting!" Kiba worried, pulling at his hair.

"Let me know if you feel sick. I'll take you down and let you rest if you do." Neji fretted, his eyes never leaving the giggling girl.

"And don't you dare jump off. You will get hurt. And don't "whee" so loud. Your throat might get sore." Sasuke ordered, feeling like his legs were going to start shaking.

Ino rolled her eyes, "Guys, chill. Sakura-chan will be ok. She is a tough girl. And damn it Kakashi, don't push her so high!"

Chouji shook his head behind his girlfriend. "Ino, dear, language."

"Ah right…ahem, I man, you push her too high and I will shove that mask down your throat, scarecrow." She growled, pointing a menacing finger at the man.

Chouji slapped his hand over his face. "Close…enough."

Shikamaru sighed, "Are we going to do anything but watch them fret over her and she get pushed?"

His best friend looked thoughtful, "How about you and I go get some drinks for everyone? It will get us moving a bit."

"What a drag…" Shikamaru groaned.

"Better than watching them all act like loonies."

"I suppose. But will they be alright if we're gone?" Shikamaru tilted a brow. "The only, mildly, sane one is Kakashi. And I use mildly generously."

"The stand is just over there. How much trouble can they get into in about ten minutes of getting drinks?" Chouji knew he should not have said something so clearly cliché and clearly asking for terrible happenings. Of course, now that it was too late he figured he could still get himself lemonade.

"Stop fretting over MY Sakura-chan, teme! She is mine! I'll take care of her." Naruto said, having another tantrum.

"I don't see your name on her, dobe. You know I am better suited to take care of her anyway."

'Better make it a beer. Yes, a beer sounds so much better.' Chouji twitched.

As if reading his mind, Shikamaru grabbed on to his friend's arm and dragged him to the stand. He did not want to be around these idiots any longer in case he caught their "idiot virus".

"Now, now you all." Kakashi shook his head in amusement. It was quite a show to see them all bicker and snarl at each other. He found himself always wanting a soda and some popcorn as they do their little "macho-possessive-grr-out-emo" moments. It never got old.

"This asshole thinks Sakura-chan belongs to him, but she's miiiiiine!" Naruto said, whining like a five year old.

"Yours? I do believe she loved me first and the most out of all of you." Sasuke hissed.

"Yeah, then you went and broke her heart, her confidence, her faith in humanity, and did we mention her heart?" Kiba growled, sounding menacing, like the dog he was. "We can all agree that you deserve her the least of us all."

"Though I can say for certain, I am fated to be with Sakura. We have a connection that is deeper than any of you could hope to obtain." Neji crossed his arms over his chest. "Fate cannot be changed or denied. You all will never have her."

"Boys, boys, boys….why not just share her?" Ino grinned. "An orgy with Sakura. Lucky girl."

"Ino!" Hinata gaped, horrified at such a disgusting. "Sakura is no pervert, like you, she is a pure girl who deserves to be with Neji-nii-san."

"Oh don't start with that. Sakura deserve them all, Ms. Stick Up Her Ass." The blonde sneered. "I don't think there is any rules against it here."

"Actually, I don't think she could legally be married…" But Kakashi was ignored as the two began to huff over what was best for Sakura. "Well, we tried, right Sakura-chan?...Sakura-chan?"

Why was the swing so unusually light?

Eye widening, Kakashi looked at the now empty swing and paled drastically. "WHERE IS SAKURA?!"

Instantly the all stopped and nearly wet themselves in terror.

"SAKURA?! SAKURA?! MY BABY WHERE ARE YOU!?" Ino shrieked in terror, looking all around.

"How on earth did she get off of the swing?! What if she is hurt?! Where is she?! SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto roared, panicked.

"Whiskies!" A little coo of a voice said.

They all looked up to see little Sakura dangling from a high tree, beaming at them all.

Neji grabbed his heart and keeled over.

Naruto turned into a statue, grasping his cheeks as he screamed a disorientated scream. Ino and Hinata were blubbering, running around screaming for help…momentarily forgetting they were kunoichi.

Sasuke grabbed Kakashi by the collar, ready to beat him, "We told you not so damn high!"

Kakashi looked horrified, "I didn't think I was! Honest! Don't hurt my face! You know it's quite scrumptious under the mask!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

Kiba was the first into action as he jumped up on the branch and slowly made his way over to the adorable girl, forcing a grin on his face. "What are you doing up here, love? Don't you think it's a little dangerous?"

Sakura smiled, "Walking!" She laughed as she bounced around on the thin branch.

"N-Now, you don't want to do that. What if you fall? If you fall…Kiba-kun will cry to the point he throws up his insides and then die." He reached for her. "Why don't we go back down now and have fun? You can ride Akamaru! I'll buy you more ice cream! Doesn't that sound better?"

The child just grinned, unaware of the danger she was in as she continued to hop along the branch like a bunny. She liked how it made her feel she could jump higher than normal.

"S-Sakura…." Kiba begged, looking panicked.

"Doggy!" She laughed, pointing to him, still dancing around.

"Y-Yes, doggy…now come here. You need to come here right now." He ordered, not wanting to make her cry but she needed to safe in his arms.

Blinking, hearing his tone she nodded. She looked down, worried she got in trouble. She didn't like getting into trouble. "O-Otay."

"Good girl. Now…come on, come here." He held out his arms, relieved he would be the hero and everything will turn out all right.

Of course not.

Sakura meeped as she took a tumble, falling down to the hard ground.

"SAKURA!" They all cried out.

Neji promptly had another heart failure.

But of course, needn't have worried as a large amount of sand rushed forward and captured the falling girl.

They all paled.

No need to guess who this was.

"You all are pathetic." Gaara hissed, bringing the girl over to him with his sand. "I should kill you for your negligence."

"Awww, she's so tiiiiny! And look at her cute eyes!" Temari swooned over Gaara's shoulders. "Just the cutest wootest little thing ever!"

"Oh good god…no." The group groaned.

"Yay! More people for the battle royal!" Kakashi grinned. "I'm gonna go get some cheddar popcorn now! Who else wants some?"

"I still have to kill you, you masked bastard!" Sasuke roared, pulling out his katana and swiping it at his teacher.

"Oh-hohoho! Can't ever reach me!" Kakashi chortled.

"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Gaara twitched, "How my Sakura hasn't been traumatized by now is a miracle."

* * *

**Author:** I am very aware we now have cannon-parents for Sakura. However, after writing Hikaru for so long I couldn't let her go. So she is and forever will be Sakura's single-parent-mother (at least in some stories).

And yes, this is such a Sakura-love collection. It is all just a way for her to get as much love as possible. That is the plot for everything! XD

BTW: After this story there will be no more "sneak peeks" of what is to come. I think it will be easier on myself to keep it a surprise to you and to myself. That way if I feel inspired for something else besides what I gave you a sneak-peek for I won't feel like I'm breaking any sort of promise!


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